no future

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by letty, Jul 30, 2012.

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  1. letty

    letty Banned Member

    why wait for a disease to take my life, why wait for tubes in my throat and ivs in my arms, why wait,
    for my family to take me off of life support, and make them feell like crap. i should take care of it myself, i should be the one
    i am tired of it all, i look at the future and there isnt one. this illness is a death sentence, and i am feeling it already
    i am so pathetic and , if people or friends knew they would run from me , i want to die
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 30, 2012
  2. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    keep posting hun, please don't do anything to hurt yourself.
     
  3. triedtoomanytimes

    triedtoomanytimes Well-Known Member

    Perhaps your family might take solace from the fact you fought the illness and they may feel some peace that they helped you at a time that was right for all of you?
    You must be going through some terrible emotions letty, so many thoughts and feelings.

    solace....

    t.
     
  4. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Your family will be more hurt if you take your life. You aren't pathetic and no one would run from you, and if they did, they aren't your true friends. We care about you here and don't want to see you hurt. Live your life to the fullest and don't think so much about dying...the good things in life are what keeps me going. I know that you can find things you can enjoy about life.
     
  5. letty

    letty Banned Member

    sudut, thanks for the encouragement, and triedtoomanytimes you sound right, it hurts me to think of them seeing me like that sick. these emotions are too much to handle , Christy i hope you hang in there too you have a future still. i feel like why, why this i feel afraid and then again i feel angry .i want to die
     
  6. letty

    letty Banned Member

    there is no cure for me only death well i dont want to die in a hospital I will go my way , i cant take it anymore
    who cares if another infected person dies,no one, not no where
     
  7. hondaissace

    hondaissace Member

    what illness you suffering from letty?
     
  8. letty

    letty Banned Member

    Hi hondaissace I have AIDs thanks for asking
     
  9. WldHair

    WldHair Well-Known Member

    Hi Letty, are you HIV+ or do you have full blown AIDS? I have a friend who suffers from AIDS and she's living just fine. Many of the drugs now are much better than the drugs from before and people are living much longer. I can imagine it's horrible to have this disease and you think your life is over, but why not focus on contributing something or living your life the way you wish to live. Trust me, your family won't want to have you kill yourself. There have been AIDS patients who have come back from the brink of death and went on to manage their disease and get on with their life. You still have a life, so nurture it and make it the best you can.
     
  10. letty

    letty Banned Member

    WildHair thank you for your help, I have full blown AIDS my t-cells were 36 at one point and the viral load in the 80,000+
    I am getting little complications here and there , shingles and so on but for the past few months i havent been the same
    my eye sights bad, i am becoming weak, I just found out 6 months ago, so its still a shock for me
     
  11. WldHair

    WldHair Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry to hear that, Letty. I still believe there's hope. Here are a couple of websites with some excellent resources. Read up on those and let me know what you think. But whatever, don't give into it.

    http://www.thebody.com/index.html?ic=3001

    Also, this website promotes more natural remedies, which I'm a big fan of. Sometimes, changing your nutrition can help your body rebound.

    http://www.aliveandwell.org/
     
  12. letty

    letty Banned Member

    wldhair thank you for the websites and for the encouragement my paranoid thinking just
    keeps telling me theres no use , your dead already dont let your family friends see you get sicker snd sicker,
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 30, 2012
  13. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Letty hun, you know I suffer with the same disease. I have been very ill the past year or so. I had glandular fever, meningitis and I am getting recurrent infections that would take a normal person 1 week to get rid of but me it takes months. My fiance had a big drop in CD4 count, he's now on med combo and his cells have gone up. I seen people with lower CD4 count and a viral load of 7 million + who now on the meds are living life just fine and are now healthy with CD4 counts of 500+. Like anything you just have to find the right combo for you. My fiance is on abacavir, efavirenz and something beginning with L. Btw, America is quite behind with the times, here in the UK AIDS does not exist anymore, it is now called HIV related illness, which is only given as a diagnosis if you get pneumonias' lymphoma's and Kaposi's, rather than your CD4 dropping below 350. Don't give up, you will get there eventually with your health. I know that my health will decline before it gets better. I hope you feel better soon :hug:
     
  14. letty

    letty Banned Member

    thank you lexi youur suc an encoragement I have had kaposis, my t-cell count went down to 36 and the viral load was 89,000, i am glad to know someone
    understands thanks again, its new to me i foun out about 6months ago. thanks again
     
  15. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I found out back in February, explained a lot of why I was feeling so crappy. Here HIV is treated like a chronic disease such as diabetes and hypertension, it is a very manageable illness and it's not the death sentence it once was. If meds not improving your counts then you need to switch, speak to your docs :hug:
     
  16. letty

    letty Banned Member

    my energy is drained , I am on 3 medications reyataz , norvir, truvada, the norvir realy gets my stomach upset, i dont feel like myself anymore, i am just feeling like crap I wish i was healthy, the shingles cleared from my face, sometimes i just want to stop the meds completly and die.
     
  17. letty

    letty Banned Member

    i cant stand it at night, my mind starts thinking and planning on ways to die, reasons why i should die, i have
    been posting hoping i could be of some help, i am always imagining the worst, i dont know what else to do but quit,
    i hate the night all the dark bad feelings and fears come to life.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 1, 2012
  18. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Are there any other combos you could try if the norvir is upsetting your stomach? My fiance nearly had to come off the efavirenz but eventually the side effects settled. Or maybe they can give you some meds to counteract the side effects? I know some HIV meds are notorious for diarrhoea and stomach cramps and bloating but there are other alternatives.
     
  19. letty

    letty Banned Member

    they gave me phenergen to help with the upset stomach but its not that effective now, she dosnt want to change the meds just yet ,
    she wants to see if the t-cells are rising.and the viral load stays down . thanks for the help lexi
     
  20. hondaissace

    hondaissace Member

    I can't imagine what you are going through, but I have something to contribute. I have heard of a lot of people beating serious illnesses by meds(of course) + thinking positively. I have heard of a lot of cancer patients actually becoming healthy by telling themselves in their head over and over again that they are in great health, and never doubting it and feeling good about it. I am not BSing you to give hope or anything. I don't know how it happens, but our brain is very powerful and can make impossible stuff happen. I have made a lot of stuff, which other people would think impossible, to happen just by thinking that i will make it and never doubting it. It really works I can tell you that. Just believe that you are fine and you have beaten the disease, actually BELIEVE it, and don't doubt it for a second. And also feel good about that. The brain works in magical ways to make it happen. And also, don't think about negative stuff, because when we do that, more bad stuff happens to us. Try it. What do you have to lose?

    *edit: sorry if this makes you feel bad or anything. don't worry, you'll make it through.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 3, 2012
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