No good-looking woman wants to date me

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Uri234, Sep 5, 2013.

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  1. Uri234

    Uri234 Active Member

    I just can't emotionally deal with the fact that I'm ugly and poor and because of that no attractive woman wants to date me.

    I can't deal with the fact that I'm destined to be a lonely virgin forever.

    I just can't emotionally deal with the fact that those who bullied and abused me in high school were right about that no attractive women will ever want me. And this is not the first time that people say that I'm ugly.

    I just want to end my lonely and miserable life because I don't want to be lonely and socially rejected for the rest of my life.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 5, 2013
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    what is attactive to you inside beauty is more important then outer beauty and who is to say you will not meet that person you will fall in love with Future hold things will cannot know
     
  3. listless

    listless Banned Member

    Well Uri, I don't like to talk about myself very candidly even though I'm anonymous-but to an extent I can relate. The difference is that I used to be fairly attractive but over time I just got fatter and uglier. I can't even begin to describe to you how good I had it, most of the time I didn't even realize it. I was very picky about who I dated and never thought I'd lose my looks. Then gradually I did and now I never get noticed by attractive women, plus I'm in my 40s, it all seemed to happen so suddenly. But it only now dawns on me (at this age) what I've squandered away.

    Money does play a major factor also. I've seen many examples of butt-ugly guys with hot girls and its clear most of them had a lot of money. I think the biggest reason would be proximity to these women-like winning a lottery, they're just in the right situation to get them. I'm used to dating beautiful women but now they don't even notice me. So like you that's part of the reason I'm suicidal. I'm working on getting back in shape, because I know I look 10 times better when I'm fit, so I'll see if that turns things around for me. I'm also trying to get a better job or another source of income (side-business) because it does help to be doing well financially. Otherwise there really isn't much reason for my to live-aside from friends/family who count on me and some ideas/projects I'd like to complete.

    Forgot to add, I'm sorry about your situation and that you had it rough. There was a period that I felt ugly and blamed my parents for having me-they're not that bad and for a time I looked good, but they're average or slightly above. Unfortunately many ugly/unattractive people have kids and they shouldn't because like a genetic illness, they pass it on to their kids who then suffer with the consequences. Life is harsh, it rewards the attractive people and punishes the unattractive, let's be honest here. Sure being a good person on the inside matters, but people judge others for their looks at every age. Kids can tell who's ill-bred and who's not. I don't know why people try to sugarcoat it. I think people should examine themselves honestly and if they're ugly they shouldn't reproduce...too bad they won't listen, but it'd be good if they did.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 5, 2013
  4. please forgive me

    please forgive me Account Closed

    i am so sorry for the way you were treated in school, i was always talked to badly, made to feel so low and ugly, i was laughed at and made fun of
    by the girls and guys, i know right now its so hard to see that there is someone for you, some one that will like you the way you are, but there is, dont
    give up hope she is out there, when you least expect it you will find her or she will find you.
     
  5. IamTetsuo

    IamTetsuo Well-Known Member

    Your worth is not based on your looks, except in the eyes of shallow people. It seems odd that you consider yourself unnattractive and at the same time *seems* that you are implying that unnattractive people are not worth dating (?) ("I'm sad that attractive women don't want to date me").

    I think most people would agree that an attractive personality is more appealing in a human being than being physically attractive and people who see things the other way... why would you care what narcissistic idiots like that think anyway?
     
  6. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    Those who call you ugly - do not deserve your time of listening to it. It's something I can draw on experiences from - but for me, I laughed at how pathetic they seemed when they were being verbally abusive. That's my own personal way of saying "you call me ugly - thats your opinion but I know you're shallow". It could work for you.

    As for "attractive woman" - how would you define attractive? Physical appearance? Personality? If it's a physical appearance thing, that's societal norms and "sex sells" attitude enticing you to yearn for it - Maybe consider broadening horizons and getting to know other people who may not "look like models".
     
  7. Uri234

    Uri234 Active Member

    No offense but you comment here is a bit irrational.

    I think that all people are shallow and egoistic to some degree. It's human nature and nothing can ever change that.

    The fact is that most people are egoistic and always want the best for themselves. This is human nature and nothing will change that (at least not anytime soon).

    When women choose a sex partner they look for pheromones that they like and other biochemical signals. I think that attraction between men and women is completely based on brain chemistry and other things like pheromones and facial symmetry and as such I see it is a completely biological phenomena.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 6, 2013
  8. FrainBart

    FrainBart Staff Alumni

    I find that your whole approach is astonishingly disrespectful... women are not ogle objects, they are not just there to be a trophy on your arm...

    I think you will find a lot of people will disagree with this as well
    It is not completely biological, I am with someone who makes me happy, not because they will make the best mating partner not because they look good. I choose to be with someone who makes me feel alive. Who makes me feel special, who makes me feel like one day perhaps I can be whole again. None of that is a biological connection. That is a comfort connection.

    The only "ugly" people out there... well of cours it oes depend on your perception, however no one is "physically ugly". True ugliness is abusive people, and along those lines. Just because someone is not aesthetically pleasing to you, does not make them ugly. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

    And just sometimes... you have to look past that skin deep "beauty" to see the perfect person beneath. Looks won't always be there. Age brings a great many things... wrinkles, stretch marks, perhaps saggy skin...

    I just hope one day (sooner rather than later) that there is more to a person than what they show.
     
  9. IamTetsuo

    IamTetsuo Well-Known Member

    Hey, don't worry about offending me :) Say whatever you want.

    I totally understand that looks are really important to getting along in the world and of course especially for dating. I don't want to dismiss any pain or loneliness that you are feeling about what's going on in your life either.

    Buuut... it's the framing of the problem in terms of 'good looking' peope don't want to date you that is odd. Surely you don't think that the only people worthy of dating are physically attractive people? And hopefully that's not the case and so you can see tha your looks shouldn't rule you out from finding happiness with someone either. Yes, being attracted to someone is just a brain state, but it's one that is also greatly affected by personality, and that and how you treat each other is what will really sustain a meaningful relationship.
     
  10. tonyb8512

    tonyb8512 Member

    uri...based off what you wrote, I can say I've felt the same and have had the same thoughts. I've noticed a good attitude/personality can really go along way. its not a lot but I do see unattractive, not rich but not poor men with goos looking women and its been becaude of their personality. confidence really makes men and women look better even though it is not a physical thing. not cocky but confident. also being interesting helps too because I have seen many unattractive men date good looking women because they do interesting things weather it be a job or recreational things. it makes ppl more intrigued when someone is interesting. And regardless of what most people say it is true that the first impression of people when looking for a mate is looks however if you're persistent not annoyingly persistent but confident persistent that can go a long way. And I am NOT coming from a position of someone who always got good looking women I used to never get attractive women and I never could until I started getting involved in some interesting work that totally change my attitude and confidence head made me attract better looking women. but if you can't seem to make any of what I just wrote work for you, I can COMPLETELY understand why you would just want to end things. feeling alone is the worst feeling and I wouldn't wish it on ny worst enemy. I wish I knew you cause I think I couls possibly help you out or at least try. The best thing you could probably do is go online and try to be persistent about talking to women online so that way the more you talk to the more chances of you meeting the person you can be with and also like I said if you can find some hobbies that are interesting and that also make you happy do then you'd be surprised how much it helps to be interesting
     
  11. listless

    listless Banned Member


    good post, very helpful advice.
     
  12. Uri234

    Uri234 Active Member

    My problem is that not even a woman that I find even slightly attractive wants anything to do with me so let alone those kind of women that I find the most attractive.

    But not being able to attract women is now the least of my problems. My air conditioner isn't working and now my shower system is broken too and I have no money to replace the parts because the parts are too expensive and I don't have the money to afford to fix my shower and my air conditioner or to buy new parts because I don't have the money to fix my old and broken necessities.

    I wish I rich and had enough money to improve my quality of life and my physical appearance.

    I live in Israel and soon I will be homeless (destitute and living on the streets), broke, with no food to eat and the bad news for me is that I also don't have the ability to go to work and improve my quality of life (and success with women).

    The main thing I'm trying to tell is: I'm completely screwed and there is nothing I can do about it.
     
  13. listless

    listless Banned Member

    Uri, don't you have any family or friends you can rely on? What about govt financial assistance? Do you have some physical disability that prevents you from working? As for air conditioners, you can rent them for about $40/mth, depending on the companies in your area. Much cheaper than buying a new one or getting it fixed.

    Agreed, women are the least of your worries right now-first you should get your life in order. By the way if you're willing to drop your standards you can get women-many average girls are available, but then this advice is coming from someone who's also picky. I used to date beautiful girls and I just can't settle for average or below. So I have no choice but to be patient, work on looking better by getting in shape again and then I'll put myself out there more. By the way, like the previous poster said, looks isn't everything in attracting girls. If you have a great personality, money or are in the right situation it's possible. I have seen stunningly attractive women with average or very ugly guys. So there's always hope-but you have to work at it too.

    Put yourself in the shoes of a beautiful girl, what kind of man would you want to be with? What would draw you to him-something to think about, good luck with your life-hope you can turn it around.
     
  14. Uri234

    Uri234 Active Member

    Some women are just so stunning so that it really hurts to know that you will never be part of their life.

    I know there are guys out there who can get the affection of any girl they just dream of and including ones that I find very attractive.

    And it just makes me feel sick to my stomach to know that I just can't get the affection of even one girl that I find attractive.
     
  15. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    I would suggest that a significant part of the issue is that you are focussing entirely on physical appearance. That in itself is probably inhibiting your ability to connect with women - it is somewhat insulting in general to deem someone's appearance the defining factor of whether or not they are worth dating.
     
  16. Uri234

    Uri234 Active Member

    It could be true but everyone discriminates based on something so you can't really blame me for doing something that almost everyone does.

    Lookism has become the new racism. If you are ugly and poor or maybe even have a small criminal record then you are automatically delegated to the very bottom of society.

    http://www.policymic.com/articles/2260/lookism-should-we-ban-discrimination-based-on-bad-looks

    The fact is that people are shallow and probably always have been.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 21, 2013
  17. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Just because someone is physically "beautiful" does not make them a beautiful person. You cannot just judge someone by their looks, you need to meet a wide variety of people, get to know them, you will find that their personality is what truly makes someone beautiful.
     
  18. Uri234

    Uri234 Active Member

    No offense but that is just not how the real world works. No matter how much we want things to be the way you describe, the fact is that the world we live in is cruel and things just don't work this way.

    The harsh truth is that people do indeed judge someone by their looks and people do indeed discriminate based on looks and many other things.

    And nothing will ever change that. This is just human nature and I must live in the real world.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 21, 2013
  19. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    And isn't that exactly what you're doing? Judging people by their looks? I would say the same like I do to all the other guys out there, maybe adjusting your attitude will make people want to spend time with you rather than having this "boohoo, sexy women won't date me cos I'm ugly" attitude. You have a negative attitude, and women pick up on it even when you try to be "the nice guy".
     
  20. amybear

    amybear New Member

    Why are you worried about looks? I'm an attractive woman and it brings more trouble than anything. Many people assume I'm shallow and worthless. So many others just want to use me. I just want someone who loves me for me and wants to treat me right, but I don't think that it's in my future ever.
     
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