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No Good...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Marr, Apr 25, 2015.

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  1. Marr

    Marr New Member

    Hey there. I'm feeling really upset about my life. What triggered it is the same thing as always... you see... I'm a very dependent person and none of my friends want to see me today. I'm 23 years old and I still feel like a child.

    Here's a list of why I hate my life and want to die most of the time:

    - My parents divorced when I was 2 years old.
    - I have been seeing a counselor since I was 8.
    - My father was my hero, until he committed suicide when I was 11.
    - I have been medicated/seeing a psychiatrist since age 12.
    - I stopped caring about school as a child and never recovered.
    - I barely graduated highschool. I still don't know how the staff managed to pass me. They most likely felt sorry for me.
    - I have attempted suicide about 6 times, but the only two times I came close were in the past 6 years. I mainly tried overdosing on my own meds. So now my mother keeps a lock box with a key near her.
    - I have never had a real job.
    - I still live with my parents.
    - I have no desire to do anything with my life.
    - I don't know how to drive a car, and I have an irrational fear of doing so.
    - I have never even thought about college.
    - I only have a few true friends.
    - I rely on marijuana to keep me happy. I don't ever buy it myself, but I use/manipulate people into smoking me up most of the time.
    - I have a boyfriend that I have been seeing for a few years, but I know he's going to get tired of me.
    - I have a knack for driving people away.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Marr,

    You certainly have been through a lot and I am sorry you feel this way. Why not quit the weed and seek help from a doctor? It is for the best. You need someone to talk to too so maybe try therapy and when you are well then think about driving, I am scared to drive as well, i'm not sure why.

    Best of luck to you and thanks for opening up here.
  3. ScarlettHurts1990

    ScarlettHurts1990 Active Member

    Hey you, I can understand why you would want to die. It sounds like you have been through some really truly god-awful things in life. Why do you think your boyfriend is going to get tired of you? That's just a prediction, not a fact. Sometimes when we are feeling low and down, we have trouble discerning our thoughts from reality. But in truth, thoughts are just thoughts although they have a great amount of power in our lives. From your post, it sounds like you are a caring and intelligent person who just happened to get thrown in the worst of situations. My advice to you would be to find a passion/something you excel at and go from there. Maybe it will one day include college, maybe it won't. Life is up to you and you create your own story although outside and external influences can alter the kind of life we all want for ourselves. I wish you luck and I think things will start to change for you when you decide on something you'd like to do and go for it!
  4. Corey1221

    Corey1221 Active Member

    I'm just going to post these few thought....

    -Tons of people live at home (like me) so no reason to feel guilty over it
    -Not knowing what you want in life is typical even far into college
    -You've got friends, tell us about them
    -You're in a relationship so that's good
    -I do not like driving much either, depending on where you live or your friends this isn't always bad
  5. MessengerFromHell

    MessengerFromHell Well-Known Member

    Focus on what you have... Talk to me if needed.
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