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No hope for the future

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Amthorn, Dec 24, 2013.

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  1. Amthorn

    Amthorn Member

    It's Christmas and this year has been so awful, I wish I could just erase it. I lost one child to an abortion, another to her mother keeping her from me. I may be going to prison next year which is pretty much end of life, no matter what anyone says. I wish I wasn't so chicken shit and could just go jump off a bridge. Life really is just pointless for me anymore.
  2. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    why might you be going to prison? i am sorry to hear that the mother of your unborn child elected to have an abortion, i personally cannot do that, but i understand sometimes there is reason and other times people just elect to do that... i do hope that she at least took your point of view into consideration before she did that even though of course ultimately the decision was what it was and you lost your child so i understand if it doesn't really matter to you if she took it into consideration at all because the pain is still the same. i know what it is too to not be able to see/interact with your child, i was forced to give my only son away when i was 18... he would now be 21 and the last time i saw him he was 3 months old. i think most of us here can understand what it is to have life seem pointless... but most all of us can tell you that at times, that fog clears for a bit and you see or think you see some kind of point for it even if you don't aim to give yourself a point/direction... however, of course, the best way for your life to have a piont is if you yourself decide on a major goal, then break that goal into smaller goals and even smaller goals until you reach a goal that is attainable to you in your eyes... and do all the things that seem attainable, and then work on the next size of goals til all of those are attainable and so on. now i understand at times, you cant think of a big goal to assign for yourself.. in those times, its best just to set "getting out of bed" and "taking a shower" and stuff like that as small goals... and have your ultimate goal be "find a way to feel more contented/happier"

    and then there is this point... no matter how much you think your life has no point, you still impact others. just this thread has impacted me, or i would not be commenting on it. you impact others when they look your way, or talk to you, or interact with you... because you affect their thoughts in some way and those impacts cause changes which then affect the way that person impacts others... and the ripple effect goes on. so while you may think you have no purpose in your personal life, you impact the world just the same... thus, your life still has a purpose... and a good one, because i really believe this world could use a lot of changing... as long as you are alive, you causes changes to happen... you have worth.
  3. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    While you may be going to prison, you may not be. Getting on some meds if you are not on any at the moment sounds like a good idea. There's some stuff in the link in my sig that might help.

    You should be able to get visitation rights to see your daughter. There might be some legal aid for you that could help.

    It's been proven that making a list of things that you feel grateful for helps many people. I know there are a lot of bad things that have happened, but maybe trying this might help.

    Wish I had some better things to say, but I hope this helps.

    Hope that things can get better soon!
  4. Amthorn

    Amthorn Member

    I used to have goals and things. I no longer have any, or trust for the health care system. Sure, they want to keep you alive and docile. To what end? So you can be a productive member of society? The sad truth is none of us have any more value greater than the services we provide to others, and if those services can no longer be provided, we have no real value and are just burdens on society. Whatever anyone else might say. I'm about to be shoved into a box anyway, and yes it's much more of a may be than may not be, trust me on that. The only way to avoid torture is to take my own life. At least then I will be at peace.
  5. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    "torture" you say.... what is it your are thinking in your mind will happen to you when you say "only way to avoid torture"?
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