No hope for the future.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by DRock, Jun 28, 2011.

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  1. DRock

    DRock New Member

    I've come to the realization that I consider killing myself everyday. The reason I feel this way is due to the circumstances that life has thrown my way.

    I started college 7 years ago. During junior year, things started happening to me that I still to this day don't fully understand. I stopped going to class. I would sleep all day. I had no motivation to live, or even get out of bed. Needless to say, I was soon out of school. I took a break for about a year and a half, saving money to go back with intention of finishing. I finally went back to college and i stayed for three semesters. But during the third semester, I started having financial problems. This led to me being distacted, unable to support my schooling, and I started to do seld destructive behaviors to cope with the stress. By the middle of the semester, I just about gave up. Compounding the problem, because of the fact I left, my financial aid didn't go through, so I owed the school 3,000 dollars. I thought i could take another break and save up money, but the vicious cycle sets in, where I can't get a decent job with no school ,but I need money to go back to school.

    On top of all that, I still live with my parents, who have made it explicitly clear that if I'm not in school then I need to find another place to live. I have nowhere to go, and I currently don't make enough money to live on my own. All I have is a crappy job that pays slightly above minimum wage. So despite the fact I've been out of school for about a year now, I've been lying to my entire family, telling them that I'm still enrolled in school ( if for no other reason than the fact that I felt I had no choice). I've been trying to stall until I find a better job, with better pay and better hours, but I'm realizing that's not going to happen. I don't know if I can keep up this lie, and I don't have anyone to turn to.

    my social life isn't fairing any better. I only have 1 friend, and no girlfriend. I'm 25, and I've never been on a single date. I'm trying to get on the horse, but with the situation I'm currently in, how am I an attractive partner or potential companion to anyone?

    So I look in the mirror, and all I see is an overweight, unnattractive loser with no money, and no future. I'm in my 20s, and my life is in shambles, so what's the point? How can I go on? All this is too much to bear. What should I do?
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Don't worry about school, it will always be there later.. Right now focus on finding a better job..I think you should tell your parents.. Lieing to them is no good..Let them know you are struggling.,.They are your parents and they love you.. Just keep in mind that honesty is the best policy..
  3. papasmurph

    papasmurph New Member

    "I don't know if I can keep up this lie"

    And I think you shouldn't.

    As there are several components to your situation that are interlinked, you are not helped by keeping up the charade. Rather you need to give yourself a real or figurative face-slap and fess up, both to others and yourself.

    I have a rather generic technical degree on a college level, but I've worked as anything from engineer to project leader, software architect, middle manager, CTO, CEO etc, so you don't necessarily need to have a formal degree to get a reasonable job, and you need to start somewhere.

    I'm not saying that stable finances will solve all your other problems, just that it's an enabler for so many other things: move away from home, not have to worry about money all the time, higher social status, etc.

    And above all, don't look in the mirror and don't analyze all the possible risks. I do that all the time, and I wish I didn't.
  4. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    Hi DRock,

    Nobody knows what the future holds. There are simply too many things we have no way of knowing that may happen along the way…

    You are only 25. You deserve a whole lot more time before anything “final”…

    Your work experiences and maturity will be your asset for your future endeavours. Your attitude is just as important if not more important. Please focus your energy on how to live. Do what you can at each given moment. Find something you enjoy doing along the way. We usually do better with what we love doing…

    We don’t know your family situation, but I feel your parents love you and they set the rules about school to encourage you to finish school so that you can have more potentials to get a better job in the future. You know better if it is helpful to tell them the truth - the whole truth, including your situation at school, job, and your feelings… My feeling is that they will understand and that their love for you would make them want to help you out in the way that is actually needed. You can also explore the possibility of getting a student loan from the government, or a loan from your parents…

    Another possibility is to rent a place with a roommate(s) which helps cut down the cost...

    If your body weight is an issue, you know you can change your diet and do some workout. You will be healthier and feel better, too…

    We can only do what we can at this moment, always. The future will be experienced as “this moment” when it comes…

    Again, nobody knows what the future holds. May you have the courage to live and find out…
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