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no hope - life is a joke

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by rocknrollsuicide, Sep 29, 2007.

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  1. rocknrollsuicide

    rocknrollsuicide Well-Known Member


    I'm a new member here.
    Don 't know how long for.

    All I know is that my life hurts, I'm in a crisis and I cannot see any light at the end of this grey tunnel.

    Months ago I left a job to go to a different niche trade (liqueurs) within the sector I was working (wine/spirits/drink) - after barely three weeks I got fired.
    Never happened before in my life.

    Part it was my fault for accepting a job I was not 100% sure which turned out to be a nightmare leading me to hate it and therefore being unable to adapt. Ironically it was a relief as well being sacked and not having to work for those awful people anymore.

    However the scar of being fired is hard to delete. Especially when in the aftermath you find it hard to hide the crap to potential employers in your quest for a job.

    I have been temping over the summer and now, since mid August I'm out of a job.
    Have been looking, had interviews over interviews, phone calls after phone call, registering with thousands recruitment agents....and here I am still unemployed.

    I had a two very good job interviews 3 weeks ago for a great role within a media corporation, huge - have still not heard anything when they said (both employer and my agent) that within 3 weeks time (basically two days ago) I would have heard one way or the other....A very good job with a very good salary.

    I did follow up and still no damm answer from anybody.
    A tipycal very selfish, arrogant attitude of agents.

    I hardly have any immediate prospects at the moment and I am feeling the panic and despair in me. The city I live in is terribly expensive and I'm all alone.

    So far I have lived off the pay checks I got throughout the summer, the redundancy salary by the crap liqueurs company (the hell with them) and my savings which are now too slim to count on....

    I made all the wrong choices in my life.

    Apparently I have an artistic talent in my hands which never, ever, I mean really NEVER lead to anything good in my life other than sorrow and tears. Certainly being able to draw, illustrate, etc did not give me the ability to make a living out of it.

    I had to sacrifice my inner creative skills making a living out of jobs I hated and despised with all my energy, jobs that sucked the living hell out of me - accountancy jobs, financial assistant jobs, customer service operator jobs, order processing clerk jons, sales support manager jobs, sales manager jobs, credit controller jobs, account manager jobs and all that rubbish that for someone with artistic flair is just a death row.

    You might think: why the hell don't you try to make a living out of your own works? Easier to say than done. I do not have artistic connection, I do not know anybody who could help me, as I said I'm alone.

    I saw fellow college people with no talent whatsoever attending the very same classes I did at uni making a decent living out of set design assitant roles, costume designer roles, graphic, etc.

    My drawings/illustrations always received excellent praises but never a deal nor a job....

    Being unemployed and having to turn to jobs that are milllion years away from your skills is less than helping me in my desperation.

    I have registered here minutes ago to see if perhaps this will somehow lighten up the heavy weight on my shoulder of an existence not lived to the full, where as the days go by I feel my purpose in life is of zero value.

    I am about to lose evertyhing, my flat, my things, my dignity if I don't get a good job soon. I said this to myself a month ago and here I am, still in the same crap situation.
    I cannot help but feeling someone must have badly cursed me this year - it's been one garbage after another throughout this awful 2007 as far as I'm concerned.

    I have been thinking about suicide a lot lately but...reading through various sources, including those available in here, I'm appalled and a bit shocked to find out not all suicide methods work..!
    It's ironic - not even on our self-inflicted death we can find relief....

    I am sorry about the very dark tone of my post, I feel completely switched off, there's very little energy and hope left in me.

  2. npain42long

    npain42long Active Member

    i just read you post and i can only say making wrong choices is part of life in general. i know i have made too many to count. i am in the same boat with feeling life is just too painful to endure at this point. however, hang in there. something will come through. suggestion here, go to the local college and ask them if anyone is looking for an artist for designs. maybe they can help you. also, look at some smaller firms who use designs for their promotional items and they may just be looking for someone. third, type up a really good resume. and a cover letter to go with it. i know at this point it may seem bad but there is light at the end of the tunnel for someone who has amazing artistic abilities. you can make it through, i just know it.
  3. rocknrollsuicide

    rocknrollsuicide Well-Known Member

    Thank you npain42long, I appreciate your words.

    Hard to tell I will end up...no one can.
    Including myself.

    I'll take your words on board - however the employment issue is a huge one I struggle to come to terms with seeing as the days go by the little prospects I've got....

    To paraphrase a famous line from "It's A Wonderful Life" by John Capra, I wish I was never born.
  4. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    Hello hun

    Im sorry for your pain SF is a site that accomodates all types of thoughts and feelings and a place u can tal freely and not be judged. I see u r fairly new stay a while and get to know people here u will find that being able to talk honestly about how u feel will give u some respite.
    Hang in there pm anytime if u need to hun stay safe
  5. rocknrollsuicide

    rocknrollsuicide Well-Known Member

    Thank you Patience - I'll give it a try...but being without a job and a purpose is a very, very, very hard one to fight....

    I only wish those bastards of my useless recruiters to find themselves one day in the same shit situation I am currently experiencing.
    Let's see if that will turn them into helpful consultants.

    I have no mercy for people who hurt me.....
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