no hope

I'm so bad, so worthless.

There is no point me being alive.

The emotional pain is too much.

I will never be able to relate to people. I thought I could, but there is no hope.

Its not a temporary problem I am dealing with. Me, my worthlessness, is terminal. I am useless, I don't belong here on this earth.

I will never be loved.

Noone will ever like me for who I am, because there is nothing to like.

I want to give up.

I have started hurting myself again, after nearly a year.

But I feel like I don't care any more.

Flashbacks, feeling I am permanently living in my past hell, through dreams, triggers, .. anything is a trigger, because I am always in my ugly, hateful body. I always see people who will never like me.

I want to die.

The pain of existing is too much.

 

i could identify with so much of what you write and especially that last line you wrote of 'The pain of exsisting is just too much'.It sounds like you feel very low at the moment and i know how hard it can be to see through the darkness at times like this.To me also my problems seem permanent and not temporary but i just wanted to say i read your pain,and heard you and despite what you may think i actually do like you and im sure many others do too!!!!You have helped me a lot and i think you are very caring.i wish you could see that too.i wish i could do more for you but i am here.Please keep posting if it helps and i hope you already know that you can PM me anytime!!!i wish you the best and hope that you can find some strength to keep up your brave battle......come on youve got this far.

Take care and best wishes
kath

 

Hi Delicateshadow
Nobody is so bad or worthless.

Every body has a point or a reason to be alive, no matter how small.

EVERYBODY can relate to SOMEBODY, maybe you just haven't found that somebody yet!

EVERYBODY is loved by somebody but, not always able to see it.

EVERYBODY has good qualities and bad.


Even you Delicateshadow believe it or not and I hope you will see this soon. The very fact that you care about these things means that you are a loving, caring, sensitive person. WE CARE, Talk to us:smile: x x x x

 

There is a sentence there that i don't agree...

How can you judge yourself like that? I understand that you may don't like what you are, but others may like what you are inside (or outside for that matter). There are ways for you to feel better about yourself, and the first step is let people into your heart.
I know how hard it can be, i've hated myself once too, and for a lot of reasons. But once you open your heart, and just be yourself, don't worry about trying to be what others want or like, just do whatever you feel like, say whatever comes up, you'll discover a lot of beautifull things on this world...

 

Thank you.

It means a lot to me that you all replied.

I actually slept pretty well last night, which helped.

I am going to write out why I have been/am unable to connect with people and make friends. As well as the experiences I do have of watrmth and connection.

Maybe it isn't as black and white as part of me feels it is.

I ache, feel sad, washed out...but I feel a little stronger.

 

:hug:
so happy you feel a bit stronger

 

Its keeping friends ive always found hard....mostly because I felt so snug im my little world...so I tended to isolate. Now I hate it, and regret it.

Im glad your feeling a bit better :hug:

 

Good to hear that you're feeling better :smile:

You will find someone that loves you for who you are! Everyone does!
:tongue:

 

Thank you...

I cried again. But I haven't hurt myself today.

There are many reasons for why I am the way I am. But it still hurts, and I still feel less than human.