I thought I could change but I can't. I always belived that if I work hard I would have a good life, it's just not true. I can't take the cycle anymore. I should be happy I'm getting a nice pay check at the end of the week, I can keep most of the money as I don't pay to much for rent. All I can think about is killing myself now. I know how, and if I'm smart I could probably do it. And to all you whinners out there, do it like a man, don't jump off a two story building. I droped a plugged in toaster into a bathtub with me it it. I'm a whinner to because I backed out. Whatever anybody says killing yourself is the hardest thing to do, as you are programmed for survival, but when new memories are introduced that survival mechanism gets blocked and the act of surviving becomes painfull. Why should I suffer, for who? My parents? I'm 30 years old, my relationship with them is just getting worst and worst. Like my parents said I live for myself, not for others. Many sucessfull people have killed themselves so money won't make things better. The pain won't go away, I'm sorry but I can't do it anymore. It's like seeing a suffering animal. People say they should just put him down. The same is true for some people. pity I don't need. I have broken my mind, now I can't live with myself anymore.