no hope

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by mare, Jul 17, 2011.

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  1. mare

    mare Member

    Well it is a longer story,but here it goes.
    i had a twin brother he passed away.And it was hard to move on,but i did it.
    After some time when i was about 15 in one week my sister got married and my grandmother died.
    It was really hard for me and my parents.So my best friend taught me how to play the guitar,and we formed a band.it was good not to bad,but after 2 years the band broke up and me and my friend continued to play for our self's but a year after he died in car accident.He was only 18.
    So i tried to find someone to help me,like a girlfriend.I was with one for 3 months and she cheated on me with one of my 'friends'.And i was really sad but after about year i met this girl and told her my story and she was like i will be there for you,but after 2 months she left me cause i was too good for her and that she doesn't like relationships(she is very cold hearted).And now 7 months have passed since the relationship,i miss my brother,my best friend,my grandmother and her the last girl i was with.I stopped playing the guitar that much since i was kicked out of 2 bands for being to much depressive.At one time i was writing songs but they were all depressive.i stopped doing that to cause it hurts me when somebody doesn't take them or me seriously just cause they are sad.
    lately i have been drinking a lot of alcohol,cause it is just easier.And i really lost faith in people i don't speak with my friends that much,i just act that i am fine so they wouldn't ask cause they wouldn't understand(or pretend that they care).I am 19 years old
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hope is there hun it is you just cannot see it right now in the depth of depression you are in. You need therapy hun a proffessional that will help you deal with your loss of your brother and grandmother your friend Please hun talk to your doctor get some therapy get on some medication to help get you back on track okay take that darkness away. You have a gift of music use it to commemorate your brother your friend write music for them okay about them remember them with joy as they would want. Please hun you can do this reach out to your doctor and get some help okay it will and can get better but you just need some support hugs to you
     
  3. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi, mare. I'm so sorry to hear that you have experienced so many losses in such a short lifetime. :hug:

    It's a shame that people said your songs were too depressive, because I think that writing and composing are great outlets for any of our feelings. The Poet's Corner forum here (including song lyrics) might interest you. I'm quite sure there are members here who will appreciate your works if you post them.

    The relationships that didn't work out...There's still hope for you to find a girl and develop a good relationship. You deserve someone who cares about you with her whole heart. If the girls so far haven't been the right one, it means that you deserve an even better one!

    I see that Total Eclipse has suggested getting some help. It's a good idea. You've had a lot of painful things happen, and it would probably help to talk to someone about them. Makes them less overwhelming so you can heal. Your family doctor might be a starting place...a physical check up to rule out other causes of depressed feelings, and then some help in dealing with your feelings. Can't hurt anyhow.

    So glad you joined SF and looking forward to reading your future posts, and hopefully some of your songs. Stay safe...
     
  4. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    Nice responses from both of them…

    I just want to mention that you do not drink too much or get into a drinking habit. It may seem easy now, but it’s a nasty habit to change or break later. Also, it may actually get you more depressive…

    It’s great that you have music talent. You can express your feelings through music. What would your grandmother, your brother and best friend love you to do if they were alive? They’d love you to be happy, right? Maybe you can express your love for them as if they are alive in spirit with you? - like “Tears In Heaven” by Eric Clapton (he wrote for his son who died at 4 years old): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b6t4Zs5Yq_k

    With loving wishes and hugs :hug:
     
  5. mare

    mare Member

    really it is so hard to keep going on.I have been to a psychologist and a psychiatrist,and used some anti depressives but once they stop working i feel sad.
    My parents say that's it is not my fault and i know it is not but seeing them sad only makes me feel worse.
    We live a hard life,my sister has 2 children and i don'y see joy in new life anymore.All things lost there value.I remember my friend and me used to do all this stupid fun stuff.Then a simple flower with it's colors would put a smile on my face but now there is nothing,just a shell of a man i used to be.
     
  6. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    It can feel very hard sometimes, hon - please don’t give up! You love your parents. You know you want to be here for them, too. You are only 19. Things change. How you think and feel also changes…

    Here is another song you may relate to: My Heart Will Go on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zCLJU1z8Cw4

    It would be fun if you can post your songs here :)

    With loving wishes and hugs :hug:
     
  7. starryeyed

    starryeyed Well-Known Member

    I feel so sad reading your story.its not your fault all those people died.it must be tough dealing with all that.could you try another medication? If you like creating music you are most likely sensitive to your emotions.i wouldnt stop playing your guitar at all.keep up the good work with your music.dont be minding what others say
     
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