no hope

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Fvantom, Apr 15, 2012.

  1. Fvantom

    Fvantom Active Member

    when I was raised, my parents were older, about 15 years older than most parents, I was raised as a weird kid, by the time I was in 3rd grade, I was being made fun of and ripped on by half the class, when I was in 4th and 5th grade, it was pretty much the entire class, on top of that my parents were less than supportive of me, they never really held me as their top priority, I grew to hate myself. By the time I was 13, all I cared about was finding a group of close friends, at this point, it was all I wanted in life, and even now, at 21, it still is, but Ive lost so much hope over the years. Because of all the brutal bullying I endured through the last few years of elementary school, I lost all my confidence, all my self esteem, I went through my teen years honestly believing I was worthless garbage. I couldnt talk to anyone, even when they talked to me I would lock up and end up saying something weird. By the end of high school, this got a bit better, but even now I have trouble approaching people without a reason.

    The reason Im coming to these forums is the loss of hope, Im in college now, and everybody already has their friends, most of them arent interesting in making any more, and the best I can hope for is a minor acquaintance, and thats not what I want. I had some suicidal thoughts last night, because the idea was cemented in me that Ill never find what Im looking for, and even if I did keep living, it would be an empty and painful life
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    There is hope hun You need to talk to someone about all that trauma you endured Talk to a coucillor at your school get some real therapy hun to build up your self esteem again. You are NOT garbage hun the ones that bullied you are the ones that need to be thrown aside. I am sorry you are feeling so low hun but there is a way to feel better talk to someone okay.
    It helps you to face all that pain and to let it go and to start building a new you Don't let them win hun don't give them anymore power okay hugs