....I can't even think up a decent title to explain how i feel. I just feel emptier and emptier each day that passes. I'm 35 yrs old and have been seeing a Psychiatrist & Doctor for my depression for just over 16 years. Been actually suffering with depression for about 25 yrs or more. I take Amitriptyline & Carbamazepine for the depression and they are also for my OCD which i have had pretty much all my life on and off. It started to get worse in my early 20's, i'm partially housebound. I leave the house about 8 times a year and that is a huge struggle because i have IBS and have to take lots of loperamide before i can leave the house. Life is one huge nightmare on a daily basis. I do have family, i live with my mom and brother and they try to help but can't really do anything. The Psychiatrist and the Doctor have both told me that they can't do anything else for me. My situation is very difficult and it would take me a while to try and explain fully but i have basically given up on life. The only thing keeping me here is my family, if it wasn't for them being here i would have taken my life a long time ago. My doctor told me recently i have maladaptive behaviour, because of all the trauma's in my childhood i have now developed this behaviour. Basically i turn everything in life bad, i have a disturbed view of life (The Psychiatrists words, not mine). The thing is i really don't want to get better anymore, i'm just waiting for the day when i finally slip from this mortal coil and i'm at peace. I'm empty and each day i feel myself disconnecting from life just a little bit more. I can't stand being with people outside of my family, they irritate me and personally i would rather just be with my dog. I know there are still good people in the world but mankind can be so cruel and all i hear on the news is bad bad bad! I'm just waiting to die and when my family go i will be closely behind them. Sorry for the long rant, i just needed to get it out.