no idea

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Nikosu, Aug 6, 2011.

  1. Nikosu

    Nikosu Member

    dunno if im allowed to post here........

    im sure my friends dont really like me....theyre just pretending for some raseon

    bu tthey wont admit it.


    my mood is loooow, even cake baking isnt fun i know it should be
    just got angry at myslef

    uploaded pics to facebook, they look worse than when i took them, dammit!

    the dancing chicken at the side is distracting me..... D:<

    uff, wanna die right now
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Of course you can post here...what is going on for you and have you spoken to a professional about how you are feeling?
  3. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Hey, Nikosu! Nice to meet you. :shake:

    We're here for support, so let us know what we can do to support you, help you, and make you feel like you belong on SF! :hug:

    Best regards,

    Mr. A
  4. whatif

    whatif Well-Known Member

    Ofcoarse you can post here this is a forum for people in crisis and everyone is here to help
  5. »broken_smile«

    »broken_smile« Banned Member

    u know sometimes is just our head telling us that.. if they didnt like u they would have left, right? :hug:
  6. Nikosu

    Nikosu Member

    ive a counsellor, but i dont think he cares, he's just telling me odd things anyway.

    hm, where to begin
    im 20

    ive been depressed since i was a child, due to school and family
    had no friends till i was 16
    college happened, tried to jump off a bridge to a motorway twice. got physically dragged back over the edge one time and a friend called me the second. since those times ive given up on life. why im still here. no idea. hid depression like a pro actor all this time, then i started cutting visibly on my arms a whle ago, my mum saw and im deemed crazy to them now. been self harming since i was young.
    dropped myself from a tree when i was about 10, survived tho, got stuck on a branch. it probably shouda ended then.
    was in a relatiionship for about 9 months, hiding the depression got so hard i had to end it. she was selfish anyway, i dont need her.
    hair pulling, burning. stuff you can do that parents dont find out about. cutting is addictive
    30 cuts on yur forearm gets noticed when your asleep and not caring where your arms are.
    now its ok, cuz i dont sleep heh. maybe 2 hours a night if im blessed with passing out.
    im an ex misanthropist, then i found my first friend. i love him alot.
    even if he feels cold sometimes, bu ti know its just the way he is. but even so it does hurt! still, he's my brother to me.
    what was i trying to say......i forgot......

    anyway maybe i wrote what i was trying to

    if not ill make another post
  7. Nikosu

    Nikosu Member

    many already have, whereve they gone. i cant fint out this. some i dont even know why.
  8. »broken_smile«

    »broken_smile« Banned Member

    i know the feeling hun :hug: but if they leave is bc they suck! u have to focus on what u have now and make the most of it!
  9. Nikosu

    Nikosu Member

    ill drive the rest of them away eventually, im fail like that.

    what ive got now. hm, im no sure
  10. »broken_smile«

    »broken_smile« Banned Member

    when we think like that is when we act like it and they do leave. not even person is the same. if they are still there is bc they care.
  11. Nikosu

    Nikosu Member

    i cant help thinking like that tho, people leave with no motivation. however im thinking people just give up on me, ive lost trust in people..........
  12. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    Hey Nikosu, i've read all the things you've done, you've had a rough time, but sticking to the situation right now my question is what is making you self harm? If we dig deep for the why maybe we can help you reverse it or at least in some way in order to reduce your suffering. So why do you want to die? What are your triggers? Also baring in mind that a lot of the things we feel in our darkest hours are often pulled out of the closet of our mind to make the situation worse rather than it being number 1 issue.

    Negativity is natural, thinking you're a failure or that your friends don't value you, I think most of us here have that as well, but I believe that is just a reaction to the depression.
  13. Nikosu

    Nikosu Member

    my triggers, almost anything. my mood just slips, even if my mood picks up or some reason. it will inevitably go bad again. im tired of forcing a happy face for people. it HURRRRTTTSSS to.

    no point in anything anymore, i forgot the reason i joined here....

    maybe my subconscious stopping me doing somethign stupid.

    i really just want to die, my nonexistence wll make everything better for everyone. except for one person. my best friend, i just hope to god he actually likes me.....and he's not just acting that way
  14. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    Oh ok, you're in quite deep then. Somewhere beneath all the vulnerabilities is a cause or causes.

    I totally get the not killing yourself because of others. It's the same with me, most of the time I am not capable of doing it because somewhere in my head has love for some people who have love for me. Keeps us alive.

    If we can live for this love we must also use it to pull away from the feeling of wanting to die as well.
  15. Nikosu

    Nikosu Member

    im just a crazy fool anyway, what do i matter...
  16. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    You matter a lot here...many of us have done things to either push ppl away or isolate ourselves...hopefully, here you will find ppl who understand...I know I personally relate to what you have written...PM me if I can be there for you...J