no improvement, loosing it, I just want to have some luck :(

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Marti2003, Apr 4, 2012.

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  1. Marti2003

    Marti2003 Well-Known Member

    It's been a while I have been here, and did many things changed in my life... The awnser is no, not even a small improvement. Things seems only to get worst. I have been going to a pschycologist, having meds. Next week my last session and I cannot do more, no money. I also stopped with my meds. It only gave me a trapped feeling, like I wanted to escape my body every time. I hated it to feel that way... I have been accepting more my things, but there is still a greater feeling of despear. Last time I am sad again and nothing want to turn right. Today I wanted to cut my whrists, not for real, but sometimes it is all too much. I feel going to a dead end. Is like what I all do is for nothing. Just why I am still alive. Life sux. Every moment I think shall I make a end, how shall I do it, how to prepare. This is not what I can handle long anymore. A time will come, if there is no improvement, that I will loose myself and that I cannot take it anymore. I can't anymore already... Too much pressure, this is not my world. Dunno what to do anymore :(
  2. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    These things can take time, Marti2003, both meds and Psychologist. Is your psychologist giving you tools to help you cope with your thoughts?
    I hope you can avoid cutting.

    All the positive things you do are doing some good, even if you see no improvement yet. Please, give it time and keep telling us how youa re doing.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun if these meds are making you feel not good then try another one okay for depression even You keep reachingout here too okay keep letting go of some of those thoughts
    hugs to you
  4. Ldub20

    Ldub20 Well-Known Member

    Your situation sounds like mine. My situation hasn't improved...the only thing that could make it improve is an end to my loneliness and single status.
  5. Marti2003

    Marti2003 Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your reply's...
    I am now I think a year busy with my pschycologist. It helped for me, in some way. It make me thinking in a different way and also the things in life. It makes me bit better. But I cannot take more sessions, cuz of the money...
    And the meds, i dunno, i do not want to try every medicine and going through that all...i am also against meds, not even an asprine. I know I am weird.
    But overall, my situation with work, love and all is still the can someone learn me to accept it, while it is difficult to do that. It is the pressure that is over this world. I trying so many, and never giving up, but you can come to a point it is all getting too much. Too much battle and show yourself how much you are worthy...i am just tired of that, i do not want to try over and over again, only to deal with dissapointments, it is just so difficult. It is long time ago I felt 100% happy and I wonder if I will be again :(
  6. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    I'm sad to see that you have run out of funds to see your psychologist. I wonder if there is any other option through a community service that might be at a reduced rate or cost; possibly even free of charge? If not, do you have some other solid support system ongoing in your life: friend? girlfriend? family? Maybe you could continue to talk to one of them if you can to help get things off your chest. If you are against medications in philosophy, then it is going to be hard to find one that works. It can take considerable time even if you are all for them, because there are so many different options, but only one you, with your body chemistry, so the trial and error is definitely there. But the mind is a very powerful thing, so if you can't be open to enduring all of the side effects, it might be difficult for overall success with drugs/pharmaceuticals.
  7. Marti2003

    Marti2003 Well-Known Member

    Thanks for reply
    With the economic crisis it is difficult to have extra options , that is also with meds, i have pay them myself. I try find out my financial situation and it is more worst then I thought. I could do all , safe and all before, but if this on going, i cannot do anything anymore and make debts only. More a reason to pull my plug :( I dunno with friends to tell all, they always seems bother with me, and see me as a complainer :( this makes me crazy and have sleepless nite as now. What i am gonna do :(( the will to live is getting more less and less :( this is no life... I know in Africa they are worst, but we have a other standard, can i not look with envy to others if they can go out, have fun, on holiday... Why not me :( i hate myself more and more
  8. Marti2003

    Marti2003 Well-Known Member

    I hate to feel this way, what can I do??
  9. Marti2003

    Marti2003 Well-Known Member

    I wish i get an accident, or someone shoot me or stab me during a robbery or something, or i jump from a building or getting drunk and cut myself and bleed to death, oh i so wished i never wake up anymore, please take me somewhere else, i do not want to be me anymore, please thats my only wish :(
  10. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    i feel the same buddy. everything closes in.
  11. Marti2003

    Marti2003 Well-Known Member

    Wish there was a solution
  12. Marti2003

    Marti2003 Well-Known Member

    What now, really what the beep now, i dunno anymore, how long i still can take this all, i want an end to this mess :(
  13. Marti2003

    Marti2003 Well-Known Member

    I feel nervous, pressure, dizzy, tired, breathless, stressy, emotional, overflown....every single day, no happy times anymore, i hate these feelings. But i know am not only one here. I want get out of this, i hate this
  14. toshi

    toshi Well-Known Member

    Marti...i feel the same way. Every emotion you listed all seem to rush at me whenever I open my eyes from sleep in the morning. (Sometimes, I don't even want to sleep because of what I know I will face emotionally.) I keep telling myself that I'm not a bad person; I've done nothing to deserve this state of mind. But I know too that ...everybody has bad patches...people like you and me may just have "patches" that seem like the whole quilt and it may last longer than others we may know. I keep telling myself that good change will happen, luck is my destiny. Please believe it, too. Yet, I know my words may sound hollow coming from a stranger, but i really hope u keep hanging on. Just keep chatting here. Keep talking about it. Everyday if you have to.
  15. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    I'm wondering if you couldn't just check yourself into the hospital for a few days to get stabilized and help for the future with some type of treatment. Yes, it will be costly, but if you begin to feel healthier, and therefore happier, maybe you can do the things you need to do in order to make a better situation out of your current circumstances? I don't know, I wish you well, Marti2003. Take Care!
  16. ssk1991

    ssk1991 New Member

    I can relate to your feelings right now. I have felt this way on and off the whole 20 years I have been on this planet. But the past 6 months have been the worst of all. I am completely out of options. If I do not do something quick my life will be FUBAR. I have thought about killing the one who is killing me mentally, but I am decideing to kill myself instead because I am screwed either way, one I die by the death penalty, or the other is doing myself in which is not as easy as you may think because right as you are about to do it you think about the few good timess you had, and that make you want to stay alive longer in hopes of have another good time, but there is none that I can see coming. So I am thinking just drinking myself to death. It sound less painfull than a razor blade down the wrist.
  17. Marti2003

    Marti2003 Well-Known Member

    Thank you all and sorry for a late reply.
    I am out of words, I do not know what to say anymore.
    I just feel empty, like everything is sucked out of me.
    I cannot express my feelings anymore.
    I just do not want to complain anymore.
    I just want to dissapear.
  18. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    You don't have anything to be sorry about! It's perfectly fine! I know how numbing it can be to feel so helpless and therefore, hopeless... But you will be better one day, if you can just hang through the difficulty. I understand the frustration. It's no fun. And it seems like there's no end. You may even get sick of describing your troubles to us all, but that is not necessary, as we here all do care, very much indeed, for you and your well being. So, I guess what I'm trying to say, is that you do matter, and help is on the way--whenever you need the people around here to lend you an ear. Best Wishes And Good Luck!!! :-D
  19. catecholamine

    catecholamine Well-Known Member

    Some mental hospitals have programs for people who do not have insurance. I know one about 2hrs from my house where people without insurance can be hospitalized and stay for FREE with free food, meds, and all that. No cost at all. They get government funding for it. Surely there is a mental hospital like that near you. Look up mental hospitals in your area and give them a call and find out if they can help people without insurance.

    Some brand name meds have Patient Assistance Programs from the manufacturer where you can get the meds for FREE or VERY cheap. When I lost my insurance, I got Geodon (an antipsychotic) and Vyvanse (an ADHD med) for 100% free through their patient assistance programs. So that is a possibility. Just keep trying....there is hope, even if it doesn't look like it. Give meds a chance. The antidepressant Effexor has started turning my life around for the better. For once in my life, I can say I'm doing OKAY and really mean it. I can see light at the end of my tunnel, finally, since a few days after starting this med.

    Feel free to PM me if you need to talk. Good luck.
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