No insurance = no medication

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Mama_Pills, Mar 4, 2014.

  1. Mama_Pills

    Mama_Pills Well-Known Member

    I haven't been on this website in years, mostly because I haven't needed it. I know that's selfish, and I hate myself for it even more now, so I understand if no one replies and if no one wants to help. I'm not worth it. I've never been worth it.

    Because of Obamacare, my insurance was cancelled and the only type of insurance I'm eligible for is Obamacare. However, my family can't afford it, so I've been off my medication now (cold turkey) for about three months. Needless to say it is no fun. At first I was fine, and was only getting a little dizzy, but now I'm back to where I was before I was on anything. My moods are insane. I can't keep friends to save my life. Upwards of 30 people have come into my life and left it because of the person I am and because of how fucking crazy and needy and annoying and disgusting and worthless I am.

    I'm going to die alone.

    I've been raped, abused, used, and abandoned by too many people. I'm done. I can't do this anymore. There's no where left for me to turn. Even the one person who told me they loved me doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. I'm almost 23 and I don't have anyone. I've had one man in my life and after 11 months he abandoned me. He couldn't even stand me for an entire year.

    I feel like a disposable razor. Use me a few times and throw me out when I get dull.

    I'm so disgusted with myself and my life and what an idiot I've been for not realizing sooner that I don't deserve to be alive. There's no point. I'm going nowhere in my career and I never will. I'm not pretty enough, skinny enough, talented enough, worth enough.

    I'm done.
  2. Cat of Spades

    Cat of Spades Well-Known Member

    Going to have to stop you right there... you have a tremendously low level of self-esteem, you will need to work on that above all else.

    You must love yourself before you can expect others to love you, start by appreciating who you are and then move on to your other problems, I guarantee you this will be a major step in improving everything else in your life. Don't attempt to derive personal value from what others think of you, this is a recipe for DISASTER. Remember that you must always be your biggest fan, not your biggest detractor.
    Stay positive!
  3. Mama_Pills

    Mama_Pills Well-Known Member

    I can't love myself. There's nothing to love. Who wants to love the disgusting crazy girl who will open her legs for anyone who says they love her just so she can feel wanted for a little while.