No interest in living

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by setekh5, Apr 16, 2016.

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  1. setekh5

    setekh5 Member

    Some time ago I was told I may have cancer and that I should get some tests. I thought about it, but decided there is no point. I hate living, so if the tests were positive I would refuse treatment - which means there is nothing to be accomplished by having the tests. I asked the physician who suggested I get tested, "If I have the disease and do nothing about it, how long will I have to live?" He said perhaps as long as two years. I laughed and said, "That long!"
     
  2. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Hello setekh5 and welcome to the forum. I'm sorry to hear this. Just wondered how your physician suspected you may have cancer and why he thinks without treatment you'd last 2yrs. If this is too personal I apologize and please ignore the question. Anyway, my name is Brian and I'm sure you'll find lots of support on this site. There are a lot good and caring people here. If I can assist you in any way, please message me
    Brian
     
  3. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Welcome @setekh5 to the forum. *hugs* I hope the forum helps you.
     
  4. setekh5

    setekh5 Member

    My physician found something during an examination that was about another issue. As to why he thinks I might have up to 2 years, I have no idea. I was not interested enough to ask any other questions. I was simply disappointed at being told it would take me that long to die. I suppose nothing in this world lives up to its advertising, not even cancer.
     
  5. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    I'm sorry you're disappointed. Is there a particular reason you feel like you don't want to live? I know I feel like that when my anxiety and depression is bad.
     
  6. Inspire&Inquire

    Inspire&Inquire SF Supporter

    Before you die watch this:
     
  7. setekh5

    setekh5 Member

    I've had a very unhappy life. I've been shunned and despised by others as long as I can remember, so now I care for no one and nothing and no one cares for me. I stay away from other people as much as possible, and when anyone speaks to me I either ignore them or curse at them until they leave me alone. I was often depressed as a teenager and often thought of suicide but lacked the courage to make such an irrevocable decision. Now my greatest regret is that I didn't <mod edit - methods> back then. If I had, I would have been spared many years of unhappiness.

    As far as the cancer is concerned, if I have it I will simply stay at home and let it run its course. I suppose that if the pain gets so bad that I am tempted to seek treatment, I can <mod edit - methods>.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 17, 2016
  8. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Responded to wrong person
     
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2016
  9. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    I'm sorry that life has been this way for you. I know about isolation, I've done this too, self imposed though. I've had panic attacks, anxiety all my life and fear of these has kept me from doing many things, I'm ashamed that I let fear win. I know depression too, kind of goes hand in hand with anxiety. Now I'm 64 yrs old, I live alone with my dog. The last relative I had passed away 8mnths ago, my mother who was 87 and still lived on her own.......I spent the last few years working and looking after her, when I retired from work injuries 2yrs ago and then she passed, I found I had no purpose, no real friends, no family.......I found this site when I was looking for a way to check out. So here I am.....I try and be there for others, I can relate to loneliness and this is how I try to cope with it.
    Brian
     
  10. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Watching my loved ones beg for pain med to die painlessly in the end isn't easy for me for my experience. Just know dying alone isn't going to be comfortable its going to make it harder I just know for myself I don't know how to make it faster becaude cancer isn't one of those easiest things. Take care and screw the time as who cares do whatever you want you now know what time you got left so who cares and do what you want to do on your bucket list like take that vacation to hawaii etc enjoy life
     
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  11. CandleLight

    CandleLight Well-Known Member

    A bucket list is a good idea, do you have some things you have always wanted to do?
     
    Brian777 likes this.
  12. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there, I'm sorry you are going through a great deal of distress. What will happen if your depression and other mental health issues get solved and you then only have a short amount of time to live? I'd definitely get those tests done, you have no idea how you might feel in two years from now. Best of luck to you. :) As they say you can only be helped if you want to be helped and you have to make the first move.
     
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  13. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I am terribly sorry to hear this.

    First of all, life can be worth living and a lot of cancer types can be survived. But you probably don't want to hear this... so let me try this approach in stead. Untreated illnesses, such as cancers can become very painful and miserable. Would you put yourself through that? Months, maybe even years of agony, when instead you could have your cancer treated in time, and see a counselor or therapist as well who could help you with your mental pain and get you to a better point? Why not give that a chance?
     
  14. setekh5

    setekh5 Member

    No.
     
  15. setekh5

    setekh5 Member

    You don't seem to be listening. I'm miserable now, even though (as yet) I have no significant symptoms. While the type of cancer in question is eminently treatable, I don't see the point of going through difficult and expensive treatments if the result is to prolong a life of misery. Unhappiness isn't new to me - it's been my constant companion (my only companion, really) for decades. Thinking that I'm going to find some magic solution and suddenly have a very different life is about as realistic as those actors who toil at the lowest level of the entertainment business for many years, always believing that any day now Scorsese is going to call and offer them the role that will make them a big star. Nonsense. Please don't waste your time offering any more of these worn-out cliches.
     
  16. setekh5

    setekh5 Member

    I don't recall saying that I want to be helped. Did I?
     
  17. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Why are you here ?
     
  18. setekh5

    setekh5 Member

    If you get some enjoyment or a sense of purpose out of trying to help others, great. I do not. I gave that up a long time ago because I found that I got absolutely nothing from it - no emotional reward and no gratitude from the people I tried to help.
     
  19. setekh5

    setekh5 Member

    I thought this forum was about sharing your feelings. Did I get that wrong? That is what you seem to be saying.
     
  20. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere


    Enuff said. you're here to share your feelings and others are entiled to give their feedback without you shooting them down. If you didn't really want the help you wouldn't be here posting in the first place. Your an adult. Your life. Your choice to read your own thread. Have a good day.
     
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