I posted my intro earlier but I understand this is the place for discussing our feeling. Briefly I: -I do go to counseling, next visit on the 14th -I was on Paroxetine until last month, my doctor helped me quit because I wanted to be happy on my own -I'm 29, live with my family because we have room & I help out my mom -No job because the ones I get (usually retail) involve managers getting me to quit because they do not like that I went to college or live in the nicer neighborhood here -I've got OCD involving physical contamination or equality of others touching things -Never got over my ex from 2012, I feel like I'm going to die every night because of how much I regret the little time we had -I feel like everything I love is getting contaminated by people I do not like or my family which I do love but for other reasons -I wanted to go into law enforcement (my degree is in criminal justice) but nobody is hiring people without experience -My mom is trying to get me to move up to North Dakota to find work, I was depressed there before because of the isolation/drastic lifestyle changes In 2012, when I graduated college up north I pushed for my family to return the central Florida. I grew up in Ohio, but Florida was our real home before. I wanted to relive the past but get 2nd chances to experience the good entertainment & beaches here. We live in one of the nicer parts of central Florida, taking years of preparing to get here though. My mom is the best but often doesn't understand my hurt inside. I know this is going to come off bananas, but back in the fall of 2013 when I was heavily depressed I turned to the Bible more. I've was praying everyday for God to let me revisit the past, to re-experience the lost time with my ex, or to prevent the things that caused the OCD to be more than I could live with. I got much better, not just with Christianity but general, trying to live better or be nicer to people. I know it's very unlikely but it gave me what I needed to live on. With no jobs on the horizon, my family is looking to move elsewhere. I cannot handle it, I know we need to just change is tough for me. Even when it's good I usually get depressed from things being too different. I was thinking the other night how everyone that is hurting me is on my inside, if I didn't exist there would be no hurt or pain because it's entirely in me. That's why I guess I'm here now. I understand from my intro, lots of people have these issues on here right now. I'd like to not only have this place to get my feelings out, but it helps me often to understand others too or offer them kind words. I'm not looking for encouragements really, just want to get this out of me to get relief. Thanks. -I understand not everyone is Christian, I have to mention it here because it is part of my journey right now.