No Kitty Please Don't

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Forgotten_Man, Dec 3, 2014.

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  1. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I do not know what to do... it was so sudden. My kitty suddenly started acting weird. I went to bed and lost sleep because of her ususal "You are sleeping" routine. Then 6 hours later I wake up and notice something strange about her. She looks like she is limping... she cannot really turn around, she almost face plants if she makes a sudden movement. She is quiet all day long... she doesn't steal my work chair from me the first chance she gets. Theh suddenly she has a harder time walking and moving around. When she is sitting she just falls over. Another couple hours pass... she cannot even walk anymore.... she can only lie on her side and roll around. We go to the vet. The vet tests everything... it is likely a neurological thing like a brain legion or a tumor. Given how fast she has deteriorated just over the course of 6 hours... Days... is what she is given as her time left. Further degeneration will result in sesiours.... vet says that given her age.... I should think about... well we all know.

    What went wrong... all over the past couple years the vet always said "Your cat is going to live forever with that blood work". Now I have to sit here and watch as my poor kitty cannot even get up to use the litter box. I knew she was old and I was prepar...ing myself for the day when the end would come... but not this kind of end... not the kind of end that poof happens... the kind of end my other kitty went through... where it was a year or so of meds and TLC. Not one day... Kitty is good.. the next day kitty is at the end....

    What do I do? She was my reason for breathing, if it was not a unconcious action. With her around I could find the will to get out of bed.. I could go to work... I could function... with her gone... I have nothing... I am nothing.... Why do I have to watch her die like this? How do I coup with this.. how do I not just end myself? What reason do I have?

    I know I will be here as long as I can while she is still here... I am out of food and I do not even want to go buy more food so that I can eat tonight... why did it have to happen like this... is something testing me? I know I have said that when my cat goes... I go... but.. I figured I would have at least 2 or 3 years of living in this new location before that happened.

    What do I do? I will enjoy the last time with my kitty... but... what then... why bother? Why not just let what my mom fears come true and kill myself like I have wanted to do for a long time? I guess for now I have to keep that promise/lie to my mom... but... what when I feel that the time has elapsed? What then... You cannot do this to me kitty... you are not allowed to do this...... I do not know what to think anymore...

    I just wish that this was all over... I just wish this was a bad dream where the kitty is just being a jerk.. I do not know what I should do anymore... part of me just wants to rot... I do not know... I just want to not feel.... what do I when I do not even want to think? What do I do when the only being that I have is about to die? I took better care of her than I ever did of myself. Why does she have to go?

    Why can't I just go..?
     
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Oh I am so sorry.
    It's heart breaking when a beloved pet dies, I still pine for my old mog who I had for 23 years.
    There are no words, just know there are those of us who totally understand what you are going through.

    Can I just ask you to think, when you are ready, about taking a rescue cat?
    Just imagine the happiness you could bring to some poor mog in desperate need of a home, and though a new one won't ever take the place of the one you have now, a new one brings it's own personality and love to the home.
    It took me over 3 years before I could face a new cat, but now he's here he's got his paws firmly under the table.

    I am so sorry this has happened.
     
  3. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Sorry about your cat. Letting go is the hardest thing a person can do in life when it comes to loving another being so much.

    I've went through this few times and it never gets any easier. Time helps somewhat but it doesn't take the sting away.

    Please don't do anything rash because of this.
     
  4. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I do not know what will happen with me when she goes... I am not even thinking about another cat right now... it just does not feel right. I honestly do not think my judgement would be good enough any time soon to pick out another kitty. Even thought i know it means some sad kitty out there won't get a warm home because I would feel too guilty to get another one. It is just too sudden..

    I wont do anything rash...... I hope I can just curl up until those feelings go away... but... the kitty is still here... for now. I need to love her all I can.
     
  5. Donnanobispacem

    Donnanobispacem Well-Known Member

    It's really sad isn't it.
    I had to give up my dog of 12 years this summer, because my illness meant I couldn't care for her properly.
    ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
     
  6. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    I didn't mean to rush for a new cat, as I said it was 3 years and more before I could think of it, but if and when you are ready, and in the meantime it will give you something to consider and plan for.
    Grief is a ghastly thing, but we do get through it (though it doesn't feel that way at the time).
    Post or pm me if you'd rather, if you need to reminisce.
    I found sharing tales of the loved one helped me through.
     
  7. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Thanks all... she is not getting any better... it hurts to see her like this... it is like having a living stuffed animal.... I am doing my best to keep up a good act of teasing her the way I normally do so she knows everything is okay. I just want a couple more hours before I have to make plans.... and she is trying hard to be strong too. She is talking back to me and even purring which is nice.
     
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