No Life Left

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by W Miller, Jan 27, 2015.

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  1. W Miller

    W Miller Well-Known Member

    That's pretty much it....nothing left now to live for.

    Please do NOT feel sorry for my...I was not always such a great intentions were always in the right place...but you know what they say about good intentions.

    How long must one pay for their past mistakes???

    This is what is happening...I'm paying for my past. Every day I get out of bed and it just hits me within about 10 seconds - Dammit, I alive...

    I see no reason to not "end it". Really, there is nothing to end...I have no life anyway.

    ~If this triggers anybody, please just don't read it, but I've can't recall ever being this far down, and this is my last desperate cry for help, and then I'm making plans.

    Any help/advice/support is always appreciated greatly.
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi Miller. Please remain positive. I know you are down but we are here for you. I know it's like Groundhog day but you can survive. Like me you battle each day. Be strong as the forum would not be the same. You gives others hope and your devoted time.

    Its your turn and please stay strong.. Keep reading this message over and over. Now you have read it, start reading it again from the beginining.
  3. exkend

    exkend Well-Known Member

    Have you reached out for help from your GP, priest, psychotherapist, local hospital? Have you tried meds, exercise, reading, praying, eating right? What have you done that people can't forgive?
  4. W Miller

    W Miller Well-Known Member

    I just wanted to let you know I am grateful for your replies, but am in no shape to respond at this time. I'll try later.

    Thank you both.
  5. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    That's fine but please take your time. Come back when your ready in your frame of mind. Just be safe, that's we all ask of you.
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Big hug to you, you are a great person, I don't know how to help to be honest but wanted to say that I do care and you're right, your heart IS always in the right place and that is what is important.
  7. smwhorses

    smwhorses Well-Known Member

    <<my intentions were always in the right place>>>
    That is the best any of us can do.
  8. smwhorses

    smwhorses Well-Known Member

    <<my intentions were always in the right place>>>
    That is the best any of us can do.
  9. W Miller

    W Miller Well-Known Member

    Oh, I don't want to seem ungrateful to everyone by not saying anything, so I'm going to try.

    111: it is going to be day-to-day, or as you say - battle each day. I have read your posting over and over.

    Exkend: I'm going to put my life in Gods hands now, and hope to find my way back to church again. I will take everything you wrote into account, as well of course.

    Petal: Thank you, the big hug was greatly appreciated, and there wasn't much more you could do to help me, knowing you care means the most, and, yes, my heart was always in the right place.

    Smwhorses: You know the saying, of course - "The road to hell is paved with good intentions", but what else can we do, that is the best we can do/offer in this life.

    Thank you for all your support today. This isn't going to something I'm going to be able to "snap out of", its going to take hard work on my part, and I in a deep dark place now, and don't see any "easy answer". Of course, nothing ever comes easy (certainly never did for me).

    I'm going to step away for for bit because my negativity serves no purpose to other members here, and, sorry, that is just now whom I am. I don't (normally) do this, but I guess it was building up.

    If I only had the level of care in my real life, how much easier this struggle would be.
  10. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    It's tough finding something to live for. What about something you do to occupy your days to keep your mind off the negativity? I've found myself working and keeping myself busy with chores/ taking care of family members or pets
  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    more hugs :hug: :hug: :hug: I hope you begin to feel better soon, you're an awesome, caring, selfless person, :hug:
  12. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    hey miller there s a lot of life,
    idk your full situation, is it a self inflicted guilt about past or of guilt inflicted by others?
    think of the people you did make happy despite whatever bad has gone on
    and think of enjoyable things, nice things you could do again or for the first time
  13. Milkyway

    Milkyway Well-Known Member

    There was a king Asoka (also known as Ashoka The Great), he did a lot of mistakes in the past, then decided to use his future to rectify those mistakes. It wasn't easy for a king to rectify those mistake done when he had all the powers to commit them and almost no power to make good. He did so good in the future that changed his history, which is still confused how to remember Asoka as a brutal king who killed one hundred thousand innocent people and done countless bad things or to remember him as nice person who did a lot good deeds.

    One can use future to rectify past mistake, but it is possible only if future is not ended today.

    Recent example is Bobby of New York. He got himself abducted during Mayoral elections but his conspiracy was soon revealed. Later he did such a good work for the people that everybody forgave his past mistakes and he re-gained respect.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 27, 2015
  14. W Miller

    W Miller Well-Known Member

    Thank you again for your replies.

    I took a nap thinking it would help, It didn't, I woke up even worse, actually. Maybe (hopefully) I'll see things differently tomorrow.

    I'll try to respond properly when I can, but know I read and cherish your care, I really do. Please don't think anything people write ever goes unnoticed, or unappreciated.
  15. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    miller, keep posting of updates, pls stay safe
  16. W Miller

    W Miller Well-Known Member

    Okay, we have a deal. I will post updates when I can. I know I said I would NOT call a hotline, but may very well do jut that tomorrow.

    Thank you scaryforest.
  17. W Miller

    W Miller Well-Known Member


    I hope I don't wake up tonight........:(
  18. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I hope you do wake up. :hug: Always here... you've been a good friend, and I'll always do my best to be the same to you. You're not in this alone; people care and will be here to help you up when you're down.
  19. exkend

    exkend Well-Known Member

    i sincerely wish you the best of luck. I found reading the bible, amongst many other books really helped me understand that suicide is not the selfish and conscience decision as most lay-people believe it to be. There are so many characteristics and attributes that collude to manifest in suicidal thinking, so don't think your entirely to blame. One day at a time brother.
  20. W Miller

    W Miller Well-Known Member

    Thank you for you words/advice exkend; meant more than you realize. I know without question one would never chose to have mental health issues or suicidal thoughts. I will try to not blame myself totally going forward. I didn't help my situation(s), but I can't go back and change it, just accept it (myself) I suppose.

    Yes, one day at a time (day-to-day).

    Thank you for everyone's support from the bottom of my heart.
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