No life - no pain

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Bobblehead, Jul 16, 2010.

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  1. Bobblehead

    Bobblehead New Member

    Hello everyone. My name is Chris, i'm 19 years old, and i have several problems that make me unhappy... i havent been happy since my mom died and i was 6 years old then... from then on it only got worse. Most of my family members are scum, they robbet me out of money left by my mother, im only left with one family member, severly ill, she cant walk she cant do anything by herself and i have to take care of her and i hate it, not that it's hard work it's just i hate it ... what is more im not sure if she a good person... theres a lot of things that's telling me shes also a greedy scum. Even more the so called "justice system" has a problem with me, when i tried to talk to police officers after this they screamed at me, made violent threats etc. I take drugs for almost two years with a short break for two moths, i also used to drink a lot of vodka but i dont drink any alcohol anymore. I did alreday tried suicide but i failed and i ended up in mental hospital... nothing improved when i was there, they didnt help me, they only made me distrust them, when i read what they wrote about me... i just dont wanna have anything to do with them anymore. Last thing is that i' very lonely... i don't know why, nobody wants to tell me whats wrong with me... i have several friends, good friends but they can't help me with any of my problems. All i want is to have quiet life, to have a girl that will love me and spend rest of my life with her. But now i'm almost certain thats impossible. Suicide seems really only way. But you people certainly have much more experience with that kind of problems... you surely know about it more than me, maybe you know the solution, maybe you even can help me. Sorry for writing so much and for my bad english.
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Hi there...well you sound like a lot of us, your story rings true for many of us let me assure you of you see you are not alone. I am glad you found us as real life friends really don't understand us..that is my belief anyhow..which makes this place so great. I hope you find the support that i have found and the hope as well. Now don't get me wrong I still battle the depression hardcore but I have a place to come and friends that understand and that has made all the difference in the world.
    Please keep posting so we can reach out and support you...we are here for you 24/7 so do use us...we care and we understand.
    I will be looking forward to getting to know you better, and again glad you found us here.
  3. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    It is possible. Never give up. Your dreams are not impractical. They are very realistic. Your souls lonely, and hurt. Your judgement and condemnation of those who harmed you, is harming you even more. Like a cancerous seed it sits with in you and dwells. Remove it with love, compassion and forgivness. My mom stole lots of jewelry from me, and still does when my g-ma sends it to me through her. I could care less, and I forgive her. Things are not what matters, money is not important. I would rather she did not have to steal from me, and one day I pray I can ask her why she does it. Until then I will just love her imperfect nature and pray that she will come around. Love beats everything, forgivness empowers you. I am working towards being able to say that no one could ever make me angry or sad. My love for them is my sheild, and Yahweh is my armor. Forgiveness is my sword at every negative thing thrown my way. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Blessings..
  4. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    Never apologize for what you feel. You matter, and so does your words. :) :hug:
  5. UnkelHeit

    UnkelHeit Well-Known Member

    So many of us have been hurt by the ones that are supposed to care the most. I have. I'll never understand it. I understand how you're feeling about being a caretaker. That's a lot of responsibility at 19. That's a lot of work for someone who's not trained to do that sort of thing. I understand you might be feeling discouraged and possibly hostile after being in the hospital. It's not always going to be a negative experience like that. I would suggest you give seeking help another chance. For many of us the first time just didn't work out.
  6. Bobblehead

    Bobblehead New Member

    My problem is that even if i get help or something that will make me feel better... it's just for a moment, like drugs. It doesnt solve any real problem, without making my life easier i simply cant do anything it's just too much to handle. Doctor may be nice to me, tell me some supporting nice words, prescribe prozac (i've alreday took it, after three weeks i had to stop because i felt terrible) doctor wont give me real help with my life. I thought a good solution would be to run away, but after reconsidering it turned out i'd just change problems for another, maybe even worse. I havent figured out anything better. Struggling with life is pointless, i cant win alone, and if there's way, i'm too blind to see it.
  7. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    You dont need to struggle alone. I am praying for you and hope you do too. Dont forget to pray and you will never be alone. I PROMISE. It isnt hopless and never will be. We will help as much as we can and offer love and support.PLEASE NEVER GIVE UP. PM me if you like, I will talk and be a friend.

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