No light at the end of my tunnel.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by KimberleyBiscuits, Jul 2, 2013.

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  1. KimberleyBiscuits

    KimberleyBiscuits New Member

    I'm having a really bad day.

    I've had depression for 8 months now, well it was diagnosed 8 months ago. I think I've actually had it for 16 months. It started after my Dad died, but as I was still at university, I was so busy I couldn't stop to think about it, I couldn't think about what was happening to me because I didn't have time. But 8 months I finished uni as I couldn't cope with everything and now it's just completely consumed me.

    I feel like I'm driving through a tunnel. When my Dad died the tunnel got really dark but I could see the light at the end of it. I just had to get through uni and get a job and then each day the pain would ease. I'd still be in the tunnel but maybe there'd be lights on every so often and painted walls or something. But now I have no purpose in my life, it's been 8 months since I graduated with my BSc hons. and I can't find a job. No one wants to employ me. I have nothing to work towards. I have no direction anymore. It feels like the tunnel is completely black, it has no lights it just keeps going on and on and on and on and on. And there is no light at the end. Just darkness. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel trapped in the banalities of life.
  2. whoamiboo

    whoamiboo Active Member

    I can totally relate! When my father died I felt like you. Depression sucks but it is even worse when you have a loved one pass. I can say the pain eases as time goes on you just have to believe in that. I wish I had more words and could take your pain away but that I can't. You just need to keep looking for a job and life will work its way out! I know it is hard to believe. Always remember your father is looking over you and will guide you in the right direction. That dark tunnel you are traveling though will only be dark for so long. The light will be before you!
  3. exkend

    exkend Well-Known Member

    With all due respect it's not depression but grief your experiencing, depression is a part of grief. Grief is a normal and healthy emotional experience, however it is common to be "diagnosed" as "depressed" and encouraged into taking anti-depressents in an effort to help, this will only prolong the process of grieving. The best thing you can do is be with family and friends, keep working or studying, and try to give yourself some meaning.
    When things get really bleak, just survive, take it step by step, and talk about it. Again I can only say what you are going through is normal, I found reading Elizabeth Kubler-Ross incredibly insightful and reassuring I highly recommend you give them a look.

    God Bless
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