no longer a happy occasion...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by KittyGirl, Sep 10, 2010.

  1. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    Today is my ex's birthday.
    For 11 years, I celebrated with him. Every year we would go out and do something fun- drive around, hang out all night even when we had school the next morning.
    I'd make him a different cake every year, save up for months to buy him gifts just to be able to get him things that he wanted but never had money to buy for himself.

    Last year, it was easy to miss this day.
    I cried all day, every day for months after he broke my heart.
    I didn't even notice that it was the 10th.
    By the time I snapped out of my tearful coma; it was the end of november and I'd decided that I would rather die than keep crying.

    I want to die still. Or... again. Or still. I don't know if the feeling has ever left me. I don't know if I'll ever really feel better. I don't know if my heart is ever going to heal.
    Today is going to be hard.
    I don't know what to do. All of the men in my life are just out to break my heart and destroy my trust. Why cant I be related to men with integrity? Why couldn't I have fallen in love with someone who had honor and could break up with me in person and explain his actions-- rather than break off an 8 year relationship and engagement over the phone and then never be seen or heard from again.
    Why does all of this have to be so difficult.
    Today is going to be a really fucking depressing day.
  2. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    I wish i could say something to make you feel better.

    I wish i could say that time heals all wounds and actually believe it.

    Time eases the pain.

    But there honestly are good men out there. Not that you would be interested in them right now. But one day someone will come along. And being a beautiful, talented, funny, great girl like you...well it's only a matter of time.

    Be kind to yourself today, Vane.

  3. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    Pretty much exactly what I was going to say.
  4. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry today is a rough day for you...:hug: wish there was a miracle phrase that I could say that would undo all the pain you feel...

    I don't let men easily in because I tend to attract abusers so if I have the choice of being alone or being abused, I prefer being I can relate to your feeling toward men...

    life sucks stand corrected, life sucks most of the time...
  5. boo

    boo Well-Known Member

    Try not to think too much about it. :( Try to make plans for days like this. Keep yourself busy.