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No Longer Able (please help now!!!)

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by surfdolphin8, Aug 7, 2011.

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  1. surfdolphin8

    surfdolphin8 New Member

    To Summarize the last 18 years of my life. I have been in and out of psych hospitals, residentials, and family and friend homes since I was 8. When I was 16 I was placed in state custody in Ohio when my Mom gave me up after I tried to commit suicide again. I was just released from custody and into my own custody on the 27th of July. I have already graduated and I completed a year of college but I had to move back in with my Dad.
    It has not worked as well as we all have hoped. I have an eating disorder, and when I left my therapist told my Dad that I was going to struggle with it and told him how serious it was (I am also a cutter) but my Dad does not understand it and he dismisses it and says that "we can handle it ourselves." But that is the thing it is not as easy as he thinks it is. The doctors wanted me to gain back my weight and I did but that makes it sooo much harder now to eat. I feel horrible, I just want to stop eating. So then I want to get help, but I am scared that if I do they will be like what is that fat girl doing here but I know I cannot wait until I am really sick again (if I stop eating) and I dont know if my Dad will want me to get the help...he just doesnt see how hard it is. I have tried to commit suicide over 9 times, two of them landed me in ICU, they told me if I attempt it again I will die, at the moment this makes it that much more compelling. My dad is scared I am going to kill myself because we got into a big fight and I threatened to leave I packed up and everything but something stopped me but now I am embarrassed and miserable because we were yelling at each other. I dont know what to do because they are all going to be mad at me if I stop eating but what am I supposed to do I know I am 18 but that does not make this any easier. I just want to die, or cut, but I cant do either but I am scared because that has never stopped me before. I dont know who to call and I dont want to tell my dad because he will just make it worse...I really hate my life and I just want it to be over...im worthless
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are not worthless hun. You call your doctor and get some help set up in place for you get the doctor to talk to your parents as well
  3. surfdolphin8

    surfdolphin8 New Member

    i dont know I feel pretty worthless and I dont even think my family wants to see me, i am a failure, who screws up this soon after being home, I suck!
  4. Confused_Tomboy

    Confused_Tomboy Well-Known Member

    i can kind of relate...i cant say completely..f i did..i'd be lying...but im only 17.5...my mom is still my legal guardian...but im on my own...yes i live with my aunt and her bf and 1 of his sons....but i pay them rent and help with food and stuff....it's been hard living on my own..and even harder living on my own with my aunt...ive tried to commit suicide b4..i think im worthless....but listen to this....im alive from my suicide attempt bc it wasnt my time....UR still here bc U have something TO LIVE FOR! life can suck...believe me....but u lived 18 years...and u will continue...u have a purpose...u might not believe it...but u do...ur reaching out which is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!! keep it up! and message me anytime! :) ur an awesome person! i dnt need to know u face to face to believe that! :)
  5. surfdolphin8

    surfdolphin8 New Member

    thank you...I am hanging in there for the time being but it is hard when there are no promises as to how long the time being is
  6. cannolongercope

    cannolongercope Active Member

    You do not suck. You are still developing. Just because a person turns 18 it does not mean they are completely developed. The age of 25 is considered the completed adult, and even then we still learn.

    You are smart. You realize you need help. Take the steps needed and get the help for your eating disorder.

    Many families are unable to really understand a mental illness and really be able to help. Many family members just don't get it, and may never will. You are the one who needs to understand your illness, and it seems you do. You realize you need help now so you do not slip back. Please, please be proud of yourself for seeing where you are; for seeing your dad does not understand the reality of your illness/disorder.

    Know that you have the widsom and strength to grow through this. Your life is just now beginning; do not think because you are 18 you should have all the tools needed to be an adult; that is not how it works. But you do have an awareness of your disorder that allows you to know when you need help; and that seems to be now.

    I hope you have a support group for your eating disorder that you can turn to; find an online one like this one if not. NAMI offers a peer to peer 9 week course for free; NAMI also offers a number of live support groups. At NAMI.org you can find a link to your city (hopefully, you are in a city with NAMI). A live support group with others who know your challenges because they have been there may help you.

    It is ok to fall; you know the path to getting back up. It is ok to be you. Love yourself and be proud for what you have gone through. It takes a tough person to have had a childhood like yours. You are a strong person.

    It is ok if your dad gets mad; that will pass. What is important is that you reach out for help.
  7. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    As others have said, you are not worthless...you are in a situation where you are not being affirmed or helped....you know you want intervention, and the person who you are somewhat dependent upon is not insightful...with what you have been through and with the lack of understanding you have to live with, I think you have done remarkably well...please keep posting...there are so many ppl here who can relate to what you have said; is there a family physician or some adult you can confide in who will help with get services?
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