Maybe it was a mistake to think I will ever have a safe, loyal group of people I can turn to. I tried so hard in so many circumstances to always do the right thing and be a good person. It never turned out well. even in places I've felt loved eventually friends turn their backs and I get triggered and things come out wrong then people attack me for it and it gets worse and worse and the pain so deep. My problems are bad but others with the same problems matter more. Or I just try to help others. I still do. Just don't talk to anyone at all anymore. But things are so bad. I am in an even worse situation than before. I owe it to protect others in it. Why can I not have the strength to just make it stop? Why won't it stop forever and get better? I have to hide myself. Nobody can know who I am. have to act all strong and all right to in front of everyone. Oh well. Just gonna focus on helping others as always. I gotta get my own situation dealt with by myself.