No meaning anymore.

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by ava., Mar 12, 2008.

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  1. ava.

    ava. Well-Known Member

    I'm really sick of waking up at 12:30PM, taking the dog out and then watching daytime telly all afternoon, and then going out to meet my mum from work, watching more tv and then coming on the internet before I go to bed at 2AM.

    I keep waiting for something good to come along. I know I've got to get off my arse and do something, except waiting, but I just don't have the energy or patience. I recently decided I want to be a Vet Nurse, but then I saw you need 5 GCSE's, A-levels and then go into uni, or w/e.

    I would see about doing my GCSE's, but I'm too bloody stupid - I'd have no chance of passing, let alone A-levels!

    And I've applied for a few jobs, but they either don't get back or turn me down.

    After my asthma attack, I had a new found hope in life - but I've just gone downhill these past 2 weeks. I even quit smoking, and lasted for 5 days and I was so proud of myself - then I started again! What is wrong with me!

    It's my last session with my counsellor next week, and that's it until May, when I see a Child Psychologist. What, am I 10? Damn GP, I knew I shouldn't have gone to her for help.

    I just have no meaning to my life. Why am I here?? What's the point of my existance!?

    Sorry to go on, I just needed to get that out. I hope this is in the right place.
     
  2. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    Ava please don't be sorry. And you're at home here.

    A tip: Don't wait for them to get back with you. Often a company is deluged with applications. One sure-fire way to get noticed is to wait a a goood couple weeks and then do a follow-up phone call. "Hi, my name is ______ and I was just checking to see if you have reviewed my application yet."

    This is a seldom used method of making *YOU* stand out, and shows them that you are genuinely interested.

    ToHelp
     
  3. SAVE_ME

    SAVE_ME Well-Known Member

    Yeah, I have that same problem, phoning places for jobs and they never get back to me...frustrating isn't it? Grrr!! :mad: But you said you wanted to be a Vet Nurse? Well the good thing is nowadays, it's never too late to go back to into education...my brother did...and who says you have no chance of passing? Anyone can do well if they put their mind to it, you just have to believe in yourself. Like it says in your signature 'I'm my own worst enemy' - it's true, you will only be a failure if you let yourself think that. Just tell yourself otherwise.

    If you ever need to chat or vent or w/e, my inbox is always open...I know what it's like to feel this way

    :hug:
     
  4. ava.

    ava. Well-Known Member

    You're right, I should. Thank you. :hug:
     
  5. ava.

    ava. Well-Known Member

    Thank you, Sean. That was really helpful. :)

    :hug:
     
  6. AimeeLou1984

    AimeeLou1984 Member

    I think how you're feeling is completely normal for someone with depression - not that it makes you feel any better. On my worst days I always think I'm stupid, I'm not worth anything, I can't stick to anything and that I'll never get anywhere. Then that makes me feel worse and I never achieve anything.

    The trick is to recognise that you are thinking like that and think to yourself "I can't give up". Sometimes it's ok to give into how you're feeling, but you have to know that you are worth something. No matter how stupid you may think you are, I think you would surprise yourself if you took your GCSE's. There is so much help available these days and like someone else has pointed out - it's never too late to go back into education.

    Also I've been through the whole job thing. Always applying and either hearing nothing back or getting rejection letters. However, it is completely normal to get rejected or not hear back from a lot of jobs that you apply for. It is not necessarily a reflection on you - it's just so many people apply for the same positions and often companies just dont get back to everyone.You just have to keep trying - 1 day you will get some good news back. Just go with the saying - nothing in life that is worth anything comes for free - you have to work hard to achieve anything - especially when it comes to jobs!

    If you ever need to chat to someone who knows exactly what its like getting depressed then feel free to message me :0

    Aimee xxx
     
  7. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    Hi ava, it's sounds like you are being too hard on yourself x
     
  8. darkrider

    darkrider Well-Known Member

    I'm 19.. I finished GCSEs and Alevels (my depression surfaced when I started college), and I did 1 year of uni before I couldn't hack it any more (hated the course, people and am basically a depressed mess / social phobiac). i've been on my year out since november and my day is pretty much like your's... wake up late (though I HATE doing this), tv, food, computer.. etc. If im lucky I go out and play tennis with some friends but I don't see them often. I've been trying to do bits of work experience here and there to find out what the hell im going to do course/job/future wise but I find it difficult to imagine my future plus my anxiety of sometimess going outside and talking to strangers doesn't help. I've had volunteering lined up, i'd like a little part time job but i struggle so damn much with myself to overcome things and my nerves... my life is pretty much stagnant at the moment and has been for a few years if im honest. Its like I need someone there to help me and guide me. I'm just lost and I feel the more like this I am the more permanent damage im doing to myself. the mental scars dont go away
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 20, 2008
  9. diver200

    diver200 Senior Member

    Ava and Darkhorse: don't feel like you are alone. You aren't. The first thing to do is to make the first steps toward getting better. One of the first things is to not be so hard on yourselves. We tend to do that (me as well) and then we do get stagnated. I absolutely know how hard it is, but you need to try to pull yourselves up and start making some goals. I know you can do it. Coming to this site should help.....I know that it has helped me in the short time I've been coming to it. Just remember: you are not stupid and you are not alone in how you feel. Take care!:groupwave
     
  10. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    Well I certainly relate to all of that, especially the very last. :smile: To paraphrase Wayne Dyer: We become the sum total of the experiences we have.

    Actually, he said "we're the sum total of the choices we make through life"... but I don't think he was allowing for neurotic people. I felt the same way when I was 19 and kind of knew inside that these were critical years and lasting, fundamental changes to self-image were already well underway.

    When you're an honor student and no one shows up for your induction in the National Honor Society because mom has died of cancer and dad can't be bothered, while other proud doting parents are everywhere having cake and drinks.... you don't forget that kind of aloneness. Ever.

    What was I? 16 maybe. It makes me cry for that kid back then.

    I mourn my life.

    I was always a good child--too good in a way to ever be popular. I was a great kid once whose high school years pretty much drove into a very protective shell:missing:and out of normal society.

    How do you repair that? I don't think you ever do. Just as 'you can't go home again', you cannot undo a traumatic, cruel past.

    I am mostly positive on here but sometimes, some random post like his will send me flying, off into my past and I must weep. :blub::blub: Sometimes the one ToHelp needs hugs and love and support and acknowledgement too, though it be very hard to ask.

    ToHelp
     
  11. Lead Savior

    Lead Savior Well-Known Member

    You sound exactly like me, Ava. I too am trying to find the motivation to do something with myself
     
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