No money, living in vehicle, ready to end it!

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Jacob1973, Nov 22, 2009.

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  1. Jacob1973

    Jacob1973 Well-Known Member

    I am pretty much broke. I got laid off from my job in nebraska. I drove to southern texas for work. I cant afford an apartment with the stupid unpaid trainis ang that my company is forcing me to do (damn union agreements!). Starting to max out the credit cards, and about to give back my house to the bank. I am tired of sleeping in my truck and just told the bank to put a 30day hold on payments on it too.

    All I can think about is just checking out of this damn world. Been looking at ways of doing it as peacefully as I can. I am actually scared of a violent death. I just want to sleep and never wake up. I have no hope because of other legal issues with my house. Parents hired an attorney to try to help me with that, but I cant afford the payments either.

    I have at least 5 more days of unpaid "training" before I can start to get a paycheck rolling, but I wont actually get paid for like 3-4 weeks! How can I live on a few $1 sandwitches a day from mcdonalds. I am hungry all the time too.

    Tried to find an apartment, but really not sure if I can afford it. Suicide really seems to be the only option! Where the hell is the leaver that I can pull that says "pull here to end the pain!" Seriously, I am ready to go, check out.. "im outta here!".....

    Parents are afraid that I am going to do just that. I hear it in their voices everytime I talk to them (daily) on phone. But I honestly just dont see my life changing. I dont want to spend the next 20-30 years as a grumpy, lonely, and eventually bitter on life, kind of guy with no family, kids, etc.

    I am tired all the time, physically and emotionally! I actually pray that god hits me with lightning or something, and have a fast death!
  2. Confusticated

    Confusticated Well-Known Member

    Well.. you must have some money? You're on the internet to post this for starters.
  3. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    wow I'm so sorry you're going through that...can you live with a friend or maybe your parents for a while? At least until you get paychecks...or maybe get a loan? I'm not sure that would work with the bank since they want to seize your house...but maybe if you explain your situation? Also maybe there are shelters that you could go to that could give you information on food bank and stuff....

    please keep posting and I hope that you find a solution other than suicide...
  4. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    yo he works, so there probably is internet can go to the library and get on the internet for free so...or a friend's house...there are many ways to get on internet without paying it...
  5. raincloud

    raincloud Well-Known Member

    I'm broke and facing homelessness, and here I am posting. It doesn't cost a dime if you do it right.

    Jacob, if you get food stamps you can actually eat a healthy meal instead of McDonald's. It sounds like you would be eligible. Obviously that won't solve your problems, but at least you wouldn't be spending money on something that's ultimately bad for you. There are also food banks and soup kitchens and the like. There are many resources for hungry people in the US.

    Also, there are some transitional housing facilities. Call your local crisis clinic or community center and they can refer you to places. It won't be pretty, but you can stay at a place like that until you have enough money for an apartment. Some of them are free or only cost $10 a week or so (I'm speaking of the ones in my city...I don't know what's in your area, but that's for you to research).

    I am going through a similar thing at the moment. I definitely get the urge to just end the misery!
  6. Sidewalk Slam

    Sidewalk Slam Well-Known Member

    Jacob and raincloud, I'd suggest checking out and traveling. If worse comes to worse, even if you're a person who is against hitch hiking/train hopping and against traveling or change, it's better to try it first before you attempt anything else (as in.. suicide). You might fall in love with it. A lot of people do, me being one of them.
  7. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    I cried reading you. It doesn't happen often you can ask around. I feel for you. You can PM me to vent anytime. I'm so sorry. :hugtackles::hugtackles:
  8. rocknrollsuicide

    rocknrollsuicide Well-Known Member

    There are people here who are feeling suicidal due to job loss and lack of finances, a very serious issue that you obviously don't seem to be able to grasp.
    Yet you feel compelled to judge and jump to quick conclusions without having the compassion first to understand why most of us are in a situation of crisis, like Jacob in this istance.

    Ever heard the expression "what goes around comes around"?
    Think about people's feelings before posting non supportive phrases like that one.

    Jacob, I am sending you a PM.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 24, 2009
  9. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

  10. Jacob1973

    Jacob1973 Well-Known Member

    My parents helped me with some money to get me into an apartment. Hopefully I will start getting paid soon. I hate this company I work for because they force you to do unpaid training (thank you wonderful unions that signed away my rights). They do that to try to prevent people who use to get paid training without working buy jumping from one area of the country to another within the company.

    I got 1 more unpaid day of training then I should start getting paid. I have been using free wifi whereever I can find it. I am barely surviving. Baloneey sandwiches are getting old fast, but at least im not that hungry right now. A friend at work saw that I wasnt looking very good and had me over for thanksgiving. First decent meal ive had in 2 weeks. I dont know. I am sure that my parents are worried for me. Quite frankly, I am just not sure what to do. I am still alive if thats much to say, though I wouldnt care if i died today!

    Anyway, I think I came down with the flu. I am sick as a dog. Going back to bed!
  11. spaceman

    spaceman Member

    your living situation sounds difficult and definitely uncomfortable, especially while dealing with these thoughts...
    i'm not sure i can offer much advice or support, but i do want to say this

    the state i'm is somewhat similar. i have -no- money. i've started doing terribly shameful things to support myself (i have a ~$300+ weekly drug addiction, on top of meals, gas...) however i do at least still have a free roof over my head thanks to my folks. granted, i would be kicked out if they knew about my addiction and how i've supported myself...
    but i can definitely relate to the economical aspect. money isn't everything of course we all know, but when you've none, and no regular income and your living situation is physically and emotionally harmful to you, it is very easy to get sucked further down the spiral. it makes it very difficult to look the future optimistically when no plans can be made...

    i don't really know what i'm trying to say here, but i felt a sense of connection reading your posts and wanted to try to offer up what i could.
    sorry if things dont make too much sense, i'm faded
    good luck, its great that your folks helped w/ the rent for time being.
    it seems like things may be slowly on the up - you start working soon, and even if you don't get paid for 2 weeks, your no longer living out of your car, and if they can, perhaps your folks could help you on your feet a little more for necessities until you get your paycheck.

    i was just released from a week stay in a psych. hospital - i feel almost brainwashed to think this way, (tho its harder to apply to my own situation because of self pity or something...) but looking at what little positive things there are, and comparing to those without might make acceptance of your situation a little easier. for instance, if my folks would be willing to help me on my feet into my own place & i found a job (haven't worked in over a year), i would feel a bit further down the road to my recovery.

    sorry for that rant...and i hope it didn't come off as woe is me...i need to not come to this place to post when i'm high...

    good luck & try to stay positive jacob
  12. Jacob1973

    Jacob1973 Well-Known Member

    Thanks, and I hope that you are doing better too. Its tough! Too many things on my plate! I was sick yesterday and couldnt do my last day of unpaid training.... so I gotta do it monday morning. My boss was telling me that "maybe" I might be done. If not, its at least 8 more days of unpaid training! With all my legal issues, I just dont know what to do either with my house. Too much stuff.. ok off to bed
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