Not sure where to really begin, but I guess the nuts and bolts of myself would be a good start. I’ve always had an aversion to risk so I’ve never been arrested or used illegal drugs. I’m not close to my family; it seemed like the closeness in the family died sometime 20 years ago. I’ve also had a slight aversion to forming romantic relationships. I’m a lifetime wallflower. I’ve had a few long-term girlfriends, but have been single for the last few years. I’ve been unemployed for the last year. In my late twenties after working in a physically demanding skilled trade, I decided to return to school. So here I am a few years later with an associates and a bachelors degrees from a well-known public institutions. Before I even graduated I knew the headwinds I was facing and that there would be no safe harbors to stay and ride it out. I graduated nearly a year ago and have still found no career. I’ve moved twice in search of a career with no luck. While I still actively am searching for a career, I’m not even sure that is really the answer any more. Which is where we come into my suicidal feelings and actions. Over the last year I have slowly divested myself of a LOT of possessions. I’ve even gone as far as to write out my note and start listing what needs to be done. It’s the option that sits on the table, as I have no family or friends to turn to for help. It was never my goal walking out college to find some high paying career. I wanted to make just enough to live and find love. I stopped taking my meds about 8 months ago; my current feelings are not an isolated incident. Even if I found a career at this point, I think the likelihood of these feelings subsiding is bleak. I don't want it to be like this. I've just run out of stopgap measures with meds, talking and external distractions.