No more please

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by itmahanh, Jun 23, 2009.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Today apparently I stepped off the curb right into the path of a transit bus. I dont remember it at all. I remember leaving an appointment crying. Next I feel pain in my knee and ankle as I hit the ground. According to people there, I was standing at the crosswalk with others waiting to cross, but as the bus approached I just stepped right out. Some guy next to me grabbed me by the arm and literally threw me back to the sidewalk. Later that afternoon I must of been in my truck for quite sometime. I cut my arms up pretty bad and didnt know until I went to McD's to order something and the kid there starts yelling for a first aid kit. I dont think I'm going to make it til when I had planned. It's 2am I cant sleep and I've gone back to cutting several times already. Once and for all... I cant do this anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  2. jjjoooggg2

    jjjoooggg2 Well-Known Member

    You are saying that you don't remember consciously doing these suicidal things?
     
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    All I remember was leaving the appt and not being able to concentrate on any one thought. I've been fighting the thoughts and urges for a little while now. A friend just texted me a few minutes ago and said that I had sent him a text saying I wasnt going to make it home. I dont remember that either but checked my sent file and yep it's there. I'm not scared of it happening but what scares me is that I always have planned my attempts so that there is no chance of my kids finding me or anything like that. But now I cant even guarantee myself that.
     
  4. jjjoooggg2

    jjjoooggg2 Well-Known Member

    Are you seeing a psychiatrist. I'm no expert or any experience. Could you have multiple personality.
     
  5. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Yeah I have a pdoc a mental health worker and I have a support group. I'm bipolar, suffer from depression, anxiety and panic attacks and on a nice cocktail of meds. But the shit on my plate just seems to get higher everyday and everything in my life is out of control right now.
     
  6. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I'm sorry but my head is getting all mumbled up and it's hard to concentrate. Thanks for reading and your imput.
     
  7. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    Wow that must have been a really frightening experience. :hug: I'm glad your safe, but don't give up. You can talk to your dr about this, find out why it happened, it could be something that wont ever happen again. Just please, don't give up on life because of this.
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.