No more... please...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by DatAlgorithm, Sep 28, 2011.

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  1. DatAlgorithm

    DatAlgorithm Well-Known Member

    This life is just getting too much for me to even bear, even now. Not only am I suffering from an intense case of unrequited love (which every love I've experienced has been, on either end) but everything else is just collapsing in front of me. I've lost 5 pounds (down to 110) from not eating enough 'cause of the depression from that, and I have a severe sickness in my stomach... it only seems to calm itself when I jerk off; I have to do it 7-8 times a day just to stay calm. Oh well, maybe it's a blessing in disguise; I'll have more money to save up for my final vacation before I commit seppuku which is GOING to happen very soon. Anyways...

    That's one thing, but to make matters worse, I don't even have any real talents or abilities that could make things better for myself; I was (and still am) a horrible student... I've dropped out of middle school, high school, AND college. I was so bad that my fucking parents often did my homework FOR me, and those were the only A's I've ever gotten, except maybe in English. Thus, in 6th-7th grade when my parents stopped doing my homework, my grades plummeted. It's bad enough that I hate school and am vividly aware of the authoritarian sort of hypersocial and Orwellian form of control it reigns over the pupils (even in college) but at least fucking make me not suck at it so I can get that fucking shit over with! God, is that too much to ask? I guess so. I'm not good at anything; I only enjoy a few things, but I suck at them. I'm tired of these people saying "well it's only 'cause you don't try hard enough." FUCK THEM! Fuck them and their baby boomer ex-hippie sick sadistic intent of making everything harder on people like me because they're still dealing with their middle-aged burnout and the considerable amount of gen Xers and Yers who fucking blindly follow and obey them!

    Work... I hate my fucking job so much. Plus, because of the fact that I love a girl that doesn't love me back ('cause she has a bf; long story) I now see reality way too clearly. I'm treated like fucking garbage at work; I'm expected to do $10/hr work for less than $9/hr. EVERY time I get a day off, I'm expected to drag my ass up at 6:30am to go back to work at goddamn 7am the day after, like I'm being punished for having a day off. I've never even gotten employee of the month though everyone I talk to tells me I should, and when I show even the slightest frown, the fucking sheeple around tells me "OMG No you're SEW GOOD at your job!" My job's almost (if not) ALWAYS understaffed and they won't fucking bother fixing our equipment promptly (if at all) so it's damn near impossible to do. Plus, almost all of my other co-employees are kissasses and say stuff like "well, hey, at least you have a job in this economy!" yet still hypocritically spout "GAWD BLESS AMURRICA!!" FUCK THEM! I'm not a drone like them; I'm tired of their guilt trip government approved ranting! Worse yet, there are almost no jobs around this state so even if I look for work elsewhere, nobody'll hire me, let alone do I have any more faith in getting out of dodge like I want/need to do to save my sanity/life. Those are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to my problems... I could practically make an Alexander Payne-style movie about my life so far with all the hurt/rejection I go through and self-inflicted bad decisions I've made...

    Whatever, I just can't wait 'til I off myself and finally be freed. I don't hate/blame my parents for all this shit like other suicidals do their problems, but I am VERY ANGRY at them for giving birth to me; why couldn't they just have had my older brother and been content with that? I should've been a miscarriage like nature intended goddamnit! It's just as well, I forgive them though, because none of us knew I was gonna turn out this way; oh well, "c'est la vie" as the French saying goes (though the only foreign language I even sorta know is Japanese.) I'm still pissed that suicide isn't legalized (then again, not even marijuana, a fucking PLANT is legalized) though, but that's a rant for another day...

    Here's to hoping I die in my sleep ASAP so I don't have to do the suicide myself.
  2. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    unrequited love happens when you don't just ask a woman out as soon as you kind of think about it.

    If you hesitate - life goes on and odds are she finds someone - you have barely said a word to her and spill your guts when she is engaged or committed!

    Does it need to be love right now? you got dating websites which are postcode based - and plenty of women who want some casual fling. If your getting it on 8 times a day - well - if your can get into that scene - maybe its better than!

    some people just have a high sex drive - though got to say multiple partners - risky indeed. But you may get lucky and have a few months with one.

    You seem to have genuine views on the USA and quite well written - but you got to try and appreciate how depression shapes thinking - we can put everything down

    Just because some women does not love you back - or match your view of things - that happens all the time! And if it was not meant to happen - its not unrequited love so much as just that there was no love!

    Its a two way thing - so if one feels all the love in the world - its just hanging onto someone - not letting them go. Its easy to do this - I just envision 'her' with her man - and 'bing' - I'm not in love! How could I be? Well that's my somewhat harsh process but for some I guess if emotions are raw - best not envision that!

    Anyhow mate - maybe you should be writing for a living - you got a good style.

    Maybe your picking the wrong women also - well - that's obvious!

    Maybe a few wrong women could be the right women - who knows - I guess your young and maybe have to endure a few bad to meet Mrs Right!

  3. DatAlgorithm

    DatAlgorithm Well-Known Member

    I'd get too fucking bored with writing for a living; I'm already reclusive enough as is... plus writers get NO sex most of the time, at least not the ones they'd want... it's usually out of desperation I suspect. I'd rather be a singer though I suck at singing.

    Nah, I'd rather just kill myself and get this shit over with; better than turning into the Phantom of the Opera by age 30.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 29, 2011
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