broken. plain and simple. I used to think that I could be "fixed"; that somehow or another all of the shit would be taken away - and the pain of staying alive right along with it. Obviously that never panned out. This is a very scary time right now. Why? Because my meds were adjusted yet again a month ago and now I feel nothing. Almost nothing anyhow. Apparently I am appearing calm and relatively well to the outside public. Earlier this week I even laughed. That's long gone. Can't do anything right, just ask sig. other. Go on, ask her. Nothing but screw up. A messy house makes her "nervous" she says. "You have to make an attempt to feel better" she says. "Fake it til you make it" she says. We've had that discussion, don't worry. She finally figured out that was the wrong approach........ Am starting to feel like I need a painful outlet. I promised not to. To everyone. Problem is, this group "everyone" has never been through what I have. Has never felt what I'm feeling. Just plain does not get it. I explain and describe and explain some more. Still nothing but a blank look. I need to leave. For good. right now is as good a time as any. sure as hell couldn't be any worse.