so here goes...In October I tried to kill myself. I won't go into details as I'm pretty sure it is not allowed and I wouldn't want to upset anyone. But it was a very serious attempt. I've never been so devastated to have failed something in my life. I was sent to a psych ward for a week, where I acted exactly like I was supposed to act and did everything they wanted me to do so I could get out as quickly as possible. but after I got home nothing had changed, all the old pressures, the old stresses, everything was still there. The only difference was my family was preventing me from drinking and trying to prevent me from fraternizing with boys (both things that lead to my attempt) but I have to say that unlike a lot of posts that I've read on here, I am not happy and thankful to be alive. I don't think I am alive. I think I made the decision to die that night and did. Whatever this life is I'm living now, isn't mine. It is my mother's life and my sister's life and my friends' life, but not mine. They are the ones forcing me to live, requesting that I stay, but I long for that peace I felt, that calm that made everything go away. I know everyone says that suicide is selfish, but it is just as selfish to force someone to stay alive when they don't want to live. My life isn't the worst life in the world, yes bad things have happened to me, but it should be my inalienable right to do what I want with my life. Maybe I could get past what's happened, but I have been a survivor all my life, and frankly I'm done surviving, I'm done being strong. At a time when all I want to do is collapse into a million pieces, the people around me keep trying to make me be strong for them, put on a brave face for them. I just don't know what else to do to make them see, I'm hollowed out, and I've got no more strength for anyone else.