No more suicidal thoughts ... no thoughts at all

[Nonny]

I was obsessing over killing myself for months.

And then suddenly I stopped caring. Stopped reading, stopped thinking about it. I just don't even get out of bed. Unemployed, I'm living off frugal savings. I get groceries delivered. I feel like I'll just sit until I die naturally.

I went from want-to-kill-myself-all-the-time to not even caring. I don't care. I can just tune everything out. days go by - 24 hours at a time. I do absolutely nothing. not even tv/net ... just nothing.

Is that a common progression? On the surface, maybe it means better because I'm not scoping out skyscrapers with balconies. But at the same time, I am not doing anything.

I came back to this forum only to ask ... I'm surprised I have this much initiative.

In any case, nothing hurts anymore.

 

[helena]

hi Nonny,
first I would like to welcome to the forum and that I'm glad you found the energy to post in here.
To some extend I felt about the same; I was for a while very busy thinking of a way, I used to wake up telling to myself I want to die and go to sleep still saying the same. After a while I would care anymore also, I wasn't thinking so much for a way, but I trapped myself not walking away from danger....I though still kept doing things, I couldn't do it other way as I have children to take care.
I felt better because though I felt numb also, but I found out that it helped me loose that desperate feeling of wanting to die.... I now have peace with the partial numbness, I just don't think about my feelings, and I get the idea that I at least am in a more peacefull place, like , not really having faith but stay open for possible better times.
I hope when I reread this I still think it made any sense.:blink:
Anyway, I hope you at least keep finding the energy to get here, maybe we can help you to get to refind the interest in more things. It must have been an hudge step for you to make this post and I really admire that.
I hope things will turn out for the best for you,
take care,
:hug:
helena