I've had suicidal thoughts for a very long time now, but they have been getting worse over the past week. Ever since I started overnight shifts, they've been at an all time high (or low?). It's the skin crawling sort of depression again. I feel like my whole life was a waste...everyone was counting on me to be successful, but I failed miserably. I just feel so cold inside...it hurts. The only thing that keeps me from going through with it is the fear that it would be very painful and might not work.