No More

I've decided to stop being selfish. People don't want to see a fat frump when they walk down the street. I can't do anything, I'm not good at anything. I'm not needed by anyone, hell I'm not even wanted anymore. I'm sick to death of making everyone miserable, things are just getting too complicated. So I'm going to stop being selfish and give everyone what they want. No more bothering people, no more getting in the way. It'll all be over and finally the pain will stop!

 

Kezzie, please do not do anything that will harm yourself. When people are thinking like what you describe, we are not thinking clearly. People do not want you to leave. Really. Although I do understand that feeling. Its still not true :hug: When people are so down and in so much pain they do think just like what you describe. I know its hard. I do not know the extent of your pain of course. Because I am not living as you :hug: but I know that you are not being selfish by staying. Quite the opposite actually <3

 

HOld ON here hun we know and understand your sadness but hun to leave will only cause more pain to the ones you love Please keep talking to us ok hugs

 

Dear dear Kezzie - please don't believe the lies that you are not wanted, needed or that you make life hard for others. That is not true! I look for you almost every day - I want to know what is going on and I pray that each day gets a little lighter, a little brighter for you.

It is so very hard some days to battle these thoughts we have. Sometimes it seems WAY too difficult (and exhausting) to believe that what we think might be the polar opposite of the truth but it is! You are my friend and I never think of you the way you have described. I am so very sad that you have so much pain. I want to help.

Please keep talking! Let us know what is happening and what might help to make it better. Please don't do anything to hurt you. Please be kind and gentle to you. You've had too much harshness and pain ~ any thoughts you have that are not kind and loving about you are lies! You are a dear, precious friend. A treasure to be cherished and protected. ♥ ♥ ♥

 

AMEN to the absolutely perfect and wise reply that much afraid wrote !!!

 

Kezzie hang in there. Don't lose to your dark thoughts. You are feeling that way right now because you are just depressed. Don't give in to the urge of harming yourself because you will regret it. I've been there. I tried to kill myself too because i feel so worthless and alone like you. But i realized if i do that, i will lose to this illness and to those who don't like me. I hate losing ever since so i started to fight this disease by going to a psychologist and taking meds. I also enroll to a yoga class and since then, i began to feel better about myself. I also go to the church twice a week to ask God for his forgiveness and guidance. I am doing everything i can to help myself become the best person i can ever be. I hope you will find the strength also to face this situation.

 

Thank you music. But my journey is not easy. It takes a lot of effort and will power to stay strong and face everyone like a normal person. One secret that i would like to share with you when i can't sleep at night is to put lavender oil on your pillow. It will help you relax and reduce stress and depression. I also started to have acupressure once a week. It's a bit painful but it's worth it. I feel great after my session. When i think about my suicide attempt and see the scar on my hand, i feel bad because i was so weak back then. I didn't have the courage to face reality and accept the truth that i am not normal. Acceptance is the first step in fighting this illness.