No more

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by chloeisdown, Oct 14, 2008.

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  1. chloeisdown

    chloeisdown New Member

    I can't take anymore. My life is nothing, nothing. I am almost thirty and have drifted each day hoping life will change. Life hasn't changed. I wanted to wait until my parents has passed away naturally before I did this but I just cannot take the pain of being alive any more. Deep down I am tortured, I have spent 2 days in bed now, this isn't living this is nothingness.
    I have drank and now I want to start taking pills, anything, just take me away from this nothingness that my life is. All that keeps me here is the shame that I will devastate my family, but now I resent that that is all that makes me suffer.
    God please forgive me for this action, I am writing on here because I do not want any one to feel bad for this, it isn't about anyone in particular it is just about how I feel, and I feel numb. Everything I do or strive to do is a failure, what is the point in living if it nothing you do or have done is meaningful.
    My medication doesn't work, and I've tried it all. No one wants me unless it is for sex, I am unable to get a job as I am never good enough, 10 weeks in rehab and I still feel the same. God knows I tried. I really tried.
    All I wanted in life was to look after my family and see them living in a beautiful house, all I have wanted is to see my Mother in a huge garden with lots of animals around her, smiling and enjoying the winter of her years after a life time of struggle. All I want is to see my Dad right there with her. My sister who I treasure dearly, I wanted to see with a family. But I cannot sit around waiting for this anymore, hopefully I will be able to see this in another life. Thats all I want from this one and I am a failure and unable to achieve it. I have prostituted myself to even try and see it, and I don't want them to feel bad it is all my dreams, this isn't their fault..
    All I am is skin and bones, my soul and heart and love will carry on for eternity.
    I am so sorry
     
  2. Oceans

    Oceans Well-Known Member

    chloe, i'm sorry your life has not turned out the way you envision it to be. People say that time heals and things get better but for you, this doesn't feel like it. I don't think what i say will be any use, just wanted to let you know i read post and i feel for you.

    Is there a counsellor or therapist that you can talk to about why you feel you are not progressing and the lack of meaning?
     
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