Hi, Please bear with me, I'm not used to doing anything like this, and stumbled upon this website a couple of days ago. Have been trying to build up the courage to write something ever since... It's even tougher than I thought... Right, well, obviously I'm suicidal at the minute, it might make sense to try and explain why... Erm, okay, well as a child I was in a violent household, both of my parents drank and took drugs and used to hit eachother around, or sometimes me if they couldn't reach the other one. From the age of 8 I was left to fend for myself over the weekend so they could go on a 4-day pub bender, so would be gone days at a time, with no food etc. So I guess, maybe I was neglected or whatever. And then, when I was 12 my grandfather started sexually abusing me and I became anorexic. I finally told someone when I was 14, before trying to end my life. I was rushed to hospital, 'saved', and put into care. My entire family disowned me for 'breaking up the family, and leaving my mum when she needed me most'.. though mum was really upset and I still saw her occasionally. Within 3 months of being in my first foster home, my foster carers son, and his friend, raped me while my foster carer was out for the night. I moved around lots of different places after that, due to people feeling unable to deal with me and my self harm and 'self-destructive behaviour'. I made numerous attempts to commit suicide, unfortunately none of them worked. And, now, here I am, 21 years of age. Things were brighter for a couple of years, and I thought I had beaten everyone who had hurt me. Until last year, when I randomly got a text from my mum. I can't go into detail, it still hurts, but she said stuff I wouldn't say to my worst enemy. She hates me, and the basic intent of the text was stating that everything that happened to me was my fault and I deserved it. So I went off the rails, attempted suicide again, failed, again. I attempted once more about 10 weeks ago and failed. And 2 days ago, I received an email from my mum (I don't see her anymore, when I was 15 she stated she wanted nothing more to do with me) saying even worse stuff than before. I truly can't go through this anymore. I really can't I'm so so so sorry about how long this post is. If anyone actually reads it, I will be amazed! I'm not sure why I wrote this, but I haven't got anything else to lose anymore.