No more!!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by spidy, Mar 26, 2012.

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  1. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Putting a stop to these racing thoughts
    Putting a stop to this miserable life
    I cant deal and not going to keep dealing with my lows my racing thghts anymore I cant get my head around anything .I cant think without it ending up into a big shit fight in my head.I m making some final phone calls tonight.I cant fight me head any longer I just cant put up with much more of anything I just want a rest only oneway I m going to get that might sound harsh but not much left for me here anymore life just dosnt seem to have much meaning anymore.Nobody will know its a suicide either as i m going to make it look like an accident at least then ppl will get over it quicker not that I have many in my life that would actually give a fuck.
  2. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you are so down :( You're not alone.
    I hope you will be okay. I know this may not sound like much to you but I care.
  3. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    Whether "they" know that it was because of an 'accident' or deliberate suicide makes no difference in the Real World. Those you know and are close to in your life will miss you a hell of a lot more than what you think they will right now and will have to pick up the pieces and cope with what has happened for many years to come, even if, as you say, they might not give a fuck.
    I wish that you do not end up doing what you are thinking and will be online all night should you change your mind and want to talk. :bubbles:
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    No matter how it would happen or how you would make it look, it's still going to hurt those that care about you.

    I really hope you're OK and that you didn't do it. I care, and so do others here.
  5. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Life will go on everyone willl get over it I really cant deal with everthing thts going and everday something else arises too much.I have no choice but to go through with this ive sat on it for a few hours now and still havnt changed my mind shit just keeps hitting the fan and theres ton more to come.Ive had the life sucked out of me over the years and its just not stopping
  6. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You do have a choice. And everyone won't get over it. Your kids won't.
  7. Brokengirl123

    Brokengirl123 Well-Known Member

    Hi. I hope you are still here. I don't think people will get over it 'quicker' are still gone so even if it only affected one person it will affect them for the rest of their life, doesn't matter how it happens you still live with the pain of someone dying everyday. You will be missed. My dad did the deed ten years ago thinking we would be better off and we'd not care but despite who he was we did care and still do. We don't always focus on how he did it. Just the fact that he is not alive.

    That doesn't mean to say I don't understand your feelings and wanting to do this however. I do which is even more terrible as I know the pain it cause, I know, I'm awful. But I hope you keep hanging on to the thread the way I am and many others are. I'm new on here and I don't really know anyone so it would be nice if I had someone to reply to tomorrow or the day after. I went on sick from work a week ago because I was suicidal. I am at home now with little to do (but constantly being watched) so if you want to talk I'm here. A lot. Pretty bored and pi$$sed off and miserable and angry and hopeless. So hey, if you wanna talk I would seriously appreciate it. Might stop us both from over-thinking.
  8. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Yes I have thght about my kids is what makes this so hard.Im so fucking scattered and confused.Ive really got this urge and im sick of fghting its all just smashing me
  9. Brokengirl123 & Gav (spidy), both of you please continue staying in the forum and talk to us.. :hug:
  10. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Im feeling like such a dick at the moment cant even say i ll sleep on it I m not calming down Ijust want I dont know anymore
  11. Brokengirl123

    Brokengirl123 Well-Known Member

    Hi are you still there. Sorry my mum dragged me to make and eat tea - part of the constant being watched thing and can't let her see I'm on here but she is upstairs now. 26 and being babysat how f****g unreal eh.

    Why do you feel like a dick.

    Hope you are still there. I'll hang around.
  12. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Sorry everyone for my little moment Went saw my counciller today the good one she has suggest a rehab farm ythey run for 3 months which helps all walks of life.I just have think about this.She standing by me with my fght for my kids she wants me to win this.

    Brokengirl123 sorry had to get off last nght will be here all day/nght today will catch up
  13. @ spidy:

    Good! Let your counsellor help you to fight and win this tough battle.. You have my fullest support here.. :hug: please update us to let us know how you are doing.. Thanks and all the best to you.. My brave warrior..
  14. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Thankyou this is the is one of the hardest battles ive had to face finally just got a phone call from a lawyer today maybe things mght start moving 7 months now been bulshit.Now just got to hope we can come to agreement in the adr meeting otherwise will take another bloody 6 months to get thrgh court
  15. Brokengirl123

    Brokengirl123 Well-Known Member

    That's no prob spidy, glad to hear from you, and glad you have a good counsellor that can help support you through this battle. :) Keep fighting and be strong for your kids. Even if it comes to 6 months through court just think that even though it is $hitty, 6 mths is not long in the grand scheme (though I know each day feels like a year when you are going through crap) but it will come and go just keep hanging on. Also give the rehab farm some thought like you say and if you feel it might help you then go for it.
  16. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Yeah just want it all to be over putting a huge stress on me trying too deal with that and other issues.Rehab farm sounds good but being away for 3months is my only concern.Ive become a bit of a loner nowadays and prefer to be by myself had aniety attack today when i had to go to me counciller and worried about that happening tomorrow when I go to see lawyer.I m very nervous about the whole outcome of this battle with my ex something I cant loose not this one those kids are so prcious to me and Im afraid her and her mum are filling their tiny heads full of crap.Both them belong to a certain church which I reckon is sort of a cult as they teach anyone who drinks smokes gets tatoos etc are not good ppl.
  17. Ldub20

    Ldub20 Well-Known Member

    You can't tell spidy to stay alive for the sake of others, suck it up, and live a shitty life. You gotta see if you can help him (I am assuming you are a guy with your name being Gav) find ways to make him want to live. That or help him work around whatever makes him want to kill himself. I know you can't overcome these shitty feelings alone spidy. I also know that by the sound of your posts you feel hopeless. But if it makes you feel any better, I wouldn't mind trading lives with you if I could. I also know that telling you that working around depression won't make these worries go away. But if we can steer you towards a positive path, I hope you give us a chance.
  18. Brokengirl123

    Brokengirl123 Well-Known Member

    You also can't compare problems ldub and say you would trade lives, meaning you think you are worse off and he has it easier. We can think it but we can't say it. We don't compare, it's in the rules.

    I was not telling him to stay alive for his kids but stay STRONG. He is FIGHTING for his children and he wants it badly and to do this he has to STAY STRONG.

    Also lots of people want me to stay alive for them because they love me and yes it f**g sucks hearing that cos I am so f***g unhappy and have such a poor quality of life but guess what I am doing it right now and I don't think it is such a bad thing to say to someone even though it feels selfish, it comes from a heart with the best intentions.

    It does not matter what anyones opion is, any words of advice and comfort, or opinions from different perspectives are helpful and welcomed because you don't know what will work from one person to the next. Some words work for others, others don't, but why not let everyone have a shot if it means the slight 1% possibility of helping someone????

    So fair enough that advice would not help you, but it might other people. Just please keep that in mind okay, I know you are helping and going through $hit like the rest of us here so let's just all do what we can okay? :)
  19. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Yes you both got good points here I myself think the same why should i live a shitty life for others sake that is a biggy but there are some good points (Think of your children)that is fair enough as brokengirl said in earlier reply she had lost her dad well im same ive lost both my mum and dad i lost my mum when i was 19 and too this day i miss her to bits not a day goes by i wish she got to see her grandchildren I lost dad a few years ago as we didnt really get along i still miss him he missed out on his first grandson so i can understand how me killing myself will affect others which i do need reminding.Yes i do feel fucking hopeless at the moment and dont know where to turn and yesterday i was near going thrgh with what i planned im still fghting thghts today.Coming to this forum does help as i dont really have anyone to turn too when im down except life line i turn to here.We all got our own issues here some different i m actually dealing with quite a few which are on hold getting help for as i cant deal with to many at once yet those other issues aint helping my state of mind either is why im so lost.I think we all here to help each other and give support when we can we dont really need to try and compare who isworse and we dont need to fight between one another.Yes some advice dont help but sometimes tht just has to be taken in stride as i know very hard to tell whats going thrgh somebodys mind i cant even work out my own head at the moment i hope ive made some sence here
  20. Brokengirl123

    Brokengirl123 Well-Known Member

    You made sense spidy and I agree with you 100%. Truth be told I think most thoughts that get written on places like this, despite how conflicting they are, because I am in conflict with myself. Wanting to live and not wanting to live. So I tend to agree with most opinions but I think I try to assert the ones that will end positively to others and keep the negative ones aimed at myself. Like right now I look into the future and I know I can not deal with all my problems and the fact that things will get worse so I know in my heart that one day I will have to leave but I don't know how soon or far away that is. My mum and fiance and doing everything but breathe for me at the minute. I do think what is the point let's just get it over and done with sooner rather than later then I think God if only we could all go and then no-one has to deal with the hurt and pain that S leaves behind as I have experienced. God I just don't know. There's just no hope for me making things better or improving stuff which is why I am a lost cause, this stuff is all so permanent and it is there every second of the day/night no escape.

    Sorry that was totally all about me then ha. Coming here helps me too, I wish it could fix everything for me but it can't, however hearing nice people speak kind words just makes the whole thing a little more bearable. I am pushing my fiance away and hurting my mum by my constant breakdowns and dangerous hurtful talk which is another reason I like this place as it gives them a break. Also it is just nice to talk to people who are going through things, our loved ones if we have them to listen can listen but can't feel what we do, you know what I mean.
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