This is more of just a need to vent, I haven't had contact with an actual person for almost a week. I think I'm pretty much screwed. Haven't had any classes or anything else to go to all this week (reading week). So I had planned to study for my midterms I have next week, catch up on some notes and start on projects that are due pretty soon. Well it's now been 5 days and I haven't done a thing. I can feel the stress coming but I still just can't make myself do it. I just don't care anymore. I hate the crap I'm taking but I'm just so deep into the work and so financially invested that just giving up and trying something else isn't an option. I still have thursday, friday, saturday and sunday but I'm more worried about my projects. I just have no strength to put into researching governmental policies or even the nutritional facts for one of my favourite subjects, tigers. I want to do well and I know that means putting in some hard work. But that's the last thing I want to do. I see no point. I still see nothing to look forward to in my future and I actually was looking at some pills at the drug store the other day. Damn they're expensive. Instead I bought Guitar Hero 3. I wanted it but hadn't bought it before because I have to watch my money very carefully and my mom had given me grief over the idea of getting it. So I just splurged and am hiding it from her. Well life shows me and it stopped working after 1 day. Controller won't sync and the game is missing sound for some notes. I just can't do anything right. I figure if I ever did try to end it, I'll fuck that up too. That way when I come to, I can get yelled at and told to smarten up. Maybe I'll get lucky and just get hit by a bus.