no motivation

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Earn, Jan 22, 2008.

  1. Earn

    Earn Well-Known Member

    my life has taken a shit on me.people always talk about karma and do things for yourself n life wil reward you.Thats bullsh.i went to graduate from highschool early go to trade school n graduate then life takes a big fat shit on me.tabitha leaves me.4months after i propose.i have to move back home.n listen to my dad yell all day.why the fuck am i still here.i can tell u why cause im a dumb ass that kill himself right.i broke a rope on my neck.i put the car in the garage n i chiken out.what kind of person cant even kill himself right.

    so why cant i do it.its been a year sence my life went to hell.and still i cant do it.when i get the obortunity i cant.i just cant.what the fuck is wrong with me?i want someone to kil me.i give up on more.please god killl me take my life.i dont want it nymore.theres nothing here for me.

    i cant get nything right.i know nobody in this town.i cant get a job so how can i start ugly as fuck i was lucky with useless.
  2. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Your life isn't over Aron. It is just beginning. I know that you've had some disappointments in your life but you can still make the best of a bad situation.
  3. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    keep your chin up man, the clouds will clear. and dont be so hard on yourself, you deserve more than that.
  4. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    aaron hang in there. what kind of person can't do it right? me! i've tried and failed three times. although it made me more ashamed at the time, i'm glad. means i'm here to fight this disease of depression another day. i'm sorry your relationship ended. i know it doesn't seem it right now but i'm certain you will eventually find someone else. this awful year will pass and the scars will heal. i will be thinking of you,
  5. __Rawr.Tigga

    __Rawr.Tigga Well-Known Member

    Aaron, keep fighting hun. Don't give in now. Sure, life has dealt some crappy blows but... you've got to get on with it. You'll find someone new, get a job. You've got to fight ok hun?

    We're always here if you need to talk ok?

    Take care and keep strong,
  6. Earn

    Earn Well-Known Member

    i just dont have that outlook.i dont want to be here.everyone says itll get better.its geting old.its been a year and nothing has geting better just worse.if this is the kind of pain i have to go threw in life i dont want it.i dont want to keep trying and failing.cause thats all that i would do is fail.geting a job now wouldnt change this town the only jobs i would be able to get wouldnt be enough to move out.i just dont care anymore.
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

  8. Earn

    Earn Well-Known Member

    Im a a sorry sorry that i wasnt right one for sorry i wasted 2years of your sorry iv wasted everyones a waste of my mothers money n so sorry.i cant do anything right.i tried my hardest and i failed.i failed at everything.iv failed at kiling myself twice.

    ive given up on life so why am i here?why cant i do just wasting everyone that knows me time.and anyone thats reading this im sorry for wasting ur time.

    I'm a failure.
  9. A_pixie

    A_pixie Well-Known Member

    You are only a failure if you die this way! Think about it, if you could turn your life around next week and you were happy, then suddenly you got hit by a truck and died, you would not die a failure you would die with everyone knowing what a good life you had.

    I see you were with someone called Tabitha, but say if one of your friends or someone on here wanted to kill themselves over a relationship...would you encourage them? Or would you say you understand the pain but NOBODY in this world is worth killing yourself over? That's what people are telling me and I want desperately to believe life can get better, cause I don't want to die.

    You don't want to face death so early, you want your life to get better. Take your disappointment and let it turn into anger, anger can be a real motivation/driving force to getting your life back on track.

    Please don't kill yourself...we're all here for you....
  10. Earn

    Earn Well-Known Member

    Im sorry but i cant belive life gets better.ive seen people that have horrible lives and some are over 50.i do belive that killing yourself cause of just one person is not enough reason to.but thats me.not everyone.before i met her i was very suicidal and failing hs.she turned my life around.i grad early n went 2 tech school.but i did all those things cause i thought i was gunna have a family with her.she was my motivating factor.and now i dont have one.i dont belive in my life to a failure.i just dont care anymore.and i dont want to be alive.i dont care what people will think about me when im gone.i wont have to live it.

    Its cool if u hope life gets better.and more power to you.
  11. A_pixie

    A_pixie Well-Known Member

    Is there anything you like in life? What do you have a passion for, I mean maybe you have made the wrong career moves?
  12. Earn

    Earn Well-Known Member

    I like working on old cars but theres few places that do it here.and i tried to get a job at the 2 shops in town that do it.and the only resume experence i have is tech school.thats the only thing i like to do.and i cant aford to go to a college if i wanted to.back latly even that isnt my passion.i dont enjoy things anymore.
  13. A_pixie

    A_pixie Well-Known Member

    I see, you've lost a lot of love for things you used to enjoy doing...sometimes you have to force yourself to recognize the things you're good at, and could you get a loan to go to college?
  14. Earn

    Earn Well-Known Member

    I dont have the energy inside me to find anything new that i like.I already have a student loan out and its already went to collections.If i had a job right now they would be garnishing my wages.and college isnt for me.I wouldnt be able to focus on the classes not the way i am now.I know these all sound like excuses but there not.I just i have no will to go out n try i dont want to.All i want is to be gone i dont want my life.i cant think of anything that would make me of my friends said get a job n get ur own place.but i honestly think about it and that wouldnt make me happy.theres too many obsticles that i have no energy for.i just want it to be over
  15. A_pixie

    A_pixie Well-Known Member

    You have hung on so far, and I keep finding my life disappointing too... do you have anyone you trust? I mean I didn't want to talk to my friends about my problems and they surprised me. Maybe you're working to hard and that's why you don't like the idea of college, you're burning the candle at both ends maybe?
  16. Earn

    Earn Well-Known Member

    i used to have a friend that i could talk to.and she wasnt much help.and then one day i heard her talking to one of her friends bout me and was telling them abot how much of a crybaby i was.and we got into it and i havent talked to her sence.thats when i started to post here again.

    I dont have a job so i dont think im working too hard.
  17. A_pixie

    A_pixie Well-Known Member

    I lost my job recently and I know how hard it is to be left to your own thoughts too much...

    You start to think of the past a lot when you're by yourself in your house... as for this friend of yours she doesn't sound like a very good friend at all sorry :S well if you could wish to change one thing in your life right this second what would it be? (Not to sound patronizing I know how silly this question appears....)
  18. Earn

    Earn Well-Known Member

    If i could change one thing in my life right now i would have someone in my life right now.Like a girlfriend that was suportive and caring like the way Tabitha was.but the mess i am now.i dont have the self esteem or confidance to go out look for someone.and i couldnt take rejection right now.i would settle for a close friend.i dont have ny close friends.with moving and school i lost track with most friends.
  19. A_pixie

    A_pixie Well-Known Member

    Maybe moving will bring you better friends, I know it's no guarantee, but I speak from experience. I was bullied at school to the point of my hand freezing up due to nerves. I lost weight and fell back with my studies so I understand you totally when you say you can't concentrate on what you used to love doing.

    I left and went to college I found people who were like me: they left school because it was awful, we were sort of a group of outcasts but we were happy together. My point is, the world is huge, it extends beyond my town and the college I went to, and I know that if I went to the right place I could find times like those and better again. I believe the same goes for you.

    I understand you not being able to take rejection right now, but maybe search for a close friend and it could progress to more? But before you do this, you need to rekindle the things you love so that you can talk about yourself and find something in common from someone who is worth it.
  20. Earn

    Earn Well-Known Member

    I have no money to move.I dont even have gas to go down the street.All my relationships have come from friendships and you are right that i need to get my passion back.but i cant im so far down.I hate myself so much that will i think bout going out i fell so overwelmed and i cant do it.I hate who i am.and the only thing i actuly feel pasionate about is leaving this life.its truthfully the only thing that i want to do.