No, no, no....

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Little_me, May 18, 2010.

  1. Little_me

    Little_me Well-Known Member

    Dunno where to begin... But I'm failing. Big time.
    I thought that I was pretty done with the suicidality, and the depression overall, I have been happy for months now. I enjoyed life to the fullest, and what is the result? I will fail in math, and probably physics too, this year. Even chemistry (used to be my favorite course btw) is at great risk.
    Next year will be final before entering university... And I can't even focus anymore. I feel trapped. I wanna live and do everything I haven't been able to do in many years due to depression, EDs, whatever... And school is in the way, keeping me away from what I want to do.
    I lost my teens and I have a strong feeling to compensate, but I know it's impossible so I try to suppress it. I have one year left, a year that I probably won't even make.. I used to be a top grade student but the only A:s I will keep this year are language arts (Swedish+English), biology and psychology. My other grades are slipping and I have no energy or strength left.

    I slept for around 5 hours this night... I went to one lesson today, psychology. Ok, easy, to me it's like having a break, and I went home 10AM again but how did I feel when coming home? Drained, like I'd had a full 8-17 day, after just 2 hours away from home. I could barely walk my doggy today, and his constant barking irritated me (not a good sign, I've never had any kind of bad feelings towards my dog before) I tried to eat lunch later but ended up eating ice cream, brownies and crackers instead of food... I slept for 2 hours in the afternoon, and finally I started writing some on my biology essay. I wrote less a quarter of a page this day, the essay is due on Friday and I have 4 additional pages to complete, being this unproductive is not like me...
    I just end up procrastinating all the time, trying get away from everything. I'm not sure if I'm happy anymore, I think my happiness has been replaced with feeling fed up.... 3 weeks left and I don't even clearly know what Couloumbs' law is (is it even spelled right...). Woho. The worst about this is that it affects my future. I don't know what to do, how to handle this. So much is happening in my life right now, it's too MUCH. :cry:
  2. Jehuty

    Jehuty Senior Member

    Really sorry that I don't know much to say at this moment but I hope a hug will make you feel a little better. :hug:
  3. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Little_Me you sound like you're trying your best, not failing.

    And the best is all you can give. You're giving it one hundred percent, but you don't know it! Look at your post- maybe that's something to congratulate yourself on? I know it might not seem the case right now, because you find yourself procrastinating, anxious, and having your grades slip- but that doesn't mean you're failing and doesn't mean you can't do what you want. Is there an option of resitting exams, in the future if you don't get the grades?

    Maybe just concentrate on this essay, and think baby steps, and "breaking things down." It's Tuesday, so you have a good two days left to write- usually with essays you have to make a plan, and structure it- a lot of efforts really goes into this, rather than writing. Once you know the structure/content, writing it isn't as difficult.

    And you could get a hang of Colombus's law? in the next 3 weeks after the essay? 3 weeks is loads of time. :hug: You sound like you're doing fine, it's okay to not have As all the time.
  4. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Back when I was in school and stress started to get to me. I took a day off. I just took a day of rest. It will do you far more good than being stressed out about everything right now.
  5. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Yep, I took many days off, I was truant most of the time :tongue: and it did me more good than harm.

    Try and make some time for you too Little_Me.
  6. Little_me

    Little_me Well-Known Member

    I tried to speak with my mother now. She pointed out that I all do is resting and sleeping in the living room... And it kinda makes me even more stressed in the long term as I postpone all the work

    I wish I could get away
  7. Little_me

    Little_me Well-Known Member

    Thanks everyone..
    Yes everone who fail in any class has the opportunity to resit exams after graduation but that would de facto mean another two school semesters :cry: but perhaps that's the best option for me... Because this is not not good.
  8. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    i added you on msn hun...ill be on for a bit... :hug:
  9. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Ah.. hmmm... well... then relax and do something you like. You need to get your mind off the stress.