No one can understand...

[BriGuy]

I know nobody understands... I don't fully understand myself. But no matter what, I just CANNOT stop loving him. Everyone only sees how hurt I am right now, so they think he is a bad guy, or that he isn't good enough for me. But nobody knows how AMAZING he is, how happy he makes me feel. Nobody understands how much HE is hurting, how scared he is! He is running from me because he is afraid.

BUT at the same time, he IS hurting me... I am SO close to being 100% completely destroyed! I am wrecked! I just know that he is my soulmate, and that we are meant to be together. BUT if he can't get past his fears, it will fuck up our destiny! And if he runs again... I won't be able to handle the pain, and will have to give up on my destiny, and accept that I will be alone forever! Now I just have to decide how LONG that forever will be... and at the moment, I don't think it will be very long!

I am SO tired of all this pain... and he is my only cure!

 

[BioHomocide]

Wow reading that made me sad.......

Just keep on fighting and hopefully things will work out. If you have to wait then wait a while till he comes around. Try your best to make him feel comfortable with you and just tell him that you won't hurt him. Good luck and be strong. :hug:

 

[BriGuy]

thanks... and sorry it made you sad... but then again I am sad all the time now... but I have been waiting and waiting, and trying to make him understand I will NEVER hurt him, like he was hurt before. All I want to do is hold him in my arms and love him forever!! And the problem with continuing to wait... the waiting is destroying me, and it is now starting to make me feel angry, bitter, something like that... but at the same time I can't stop loving him... it's a horrible feeling... and I am afraid if I wait much longer, it will be too late, and my heart will be ruined forever. I am afraid the comfort level we shared will be gone... the magical connection we felt, broken... all because he is hiding, and won't talk to me about any of it... won't talk to me at all again... but won't tell me WHY! I just want to quit... to give up... to let go... but as long as I am breathing, I can't let go... because I know he is the only one... I so am fucked!

 

[ZombiePringle]

It is sad. I was the same way. didn't want to be close to anybody in fear of getting hurt. My fiance had to wait patiently as she worked on breaking down my walls. I'm sure if you give it time you'll get through. It will be frustrating, hurtful etc. but if its meant to happen it will happen. All I can say is you should try and be patient and be there for him as much as he allows. I'm sure you'll find he'll be letting you in more everyday.

 

[BriGuy]

the problem is we WERE closer before... now he has shut me out... he is not letting me in at all, he is getting farther away with each day. Plus, the hardest part is he lives 5 hours away, and I can't drive... so I can't do a whole lot... He told me he CARES about me, misses me, has STRONG feelings for me, then shut me out...

I haven't SEEN him in person now since Feb 18th, and haven't heard his VOICE since early March... since then, only a couple of emails and texts...

As for meant to be, the problem is, I KNOW it's meant to be, but his ex fucked him up so bad, he is afraid to allow his feelings through for anyone again... so, I am afraid his fears will fuck up our destiny. But I know he is it for me, there will never be any others... and now that I finally know what real love is, I can never settle again, and don't want to be alone forever... especially with everything else... especially the physical pain, that only HE makes me forget a little....

Like I said, no one can really understand... and nobody will, and that's okay, I don't expect it... I am just venting... but I don't think it will matter after this week... he'll get my package in a day or two, with my plea that we TALK... just talk this through... and he won't answer... and I'll make my decision this week.

 

[Elle.]

that is pretty much exactly how i feel....and how he feels

 

[BioHomocide]

Well I don't want to seem evil but not everything works out and not all love will work out......If he rejects you then you'll have to absorb all that pain and move on with your life. You seem like a very strong person and I know you can live past this.

Your story is just Like that Cher song "Do you Believe in Life after Love". (I love Cher.)

There will always be other people out there and other chances.
I myself don't believe in soul mates....the idea is ridiculous.

 

[plates]

there's nothing wrong with loving him and feeling love for him. he might need a lot of time and healing on his part- the best thing knowing if he comes back- then the action of his returning shows that he's not afraid, has healed somewhat. that doesn't take away the loneliness and heartache and like you say, the anger and bitterness when you feel lonely and rejected perhaps?

you say he's your only cure but maybe you have the cure too. you have love, and you can channel the love you have for him towards yourself to look after yourself through this painful period.
can you think of other things in your life that make you feel better? does dreams of him being with you make you feel better?

does he make you feel like life is worth living, even if you don't have a relationship with him right now? you know what real love is- i can empathise with loss and wanting to die, but if he loves you the way you love him, he'd hate to think of you hurting yourself because you feel so alone...

maybe he can't talk as he's going through a lot and trying to heal from his ex....i know you want to cuddle and love him and make him feel safe. it sounds really frustrating to be in that position when the other person is clearly not ready for a relationship.

:hug:

 

[fromthatshow]

BriGuy,
I have been doing this my whole life. I'm going to give you some advice you might not want to hear, but just leave it if it doesn't do anything for you.

I have spent my entire life thinking that the cure was in a partner. My last girlfriend, whom I started dating two years ago and broke up with about a year and a month ago, I am not over her. I always thought, if we were together, everything will be alright. But the only one who can save you is you. I have spent my whole life, even now, looking for saviors. It is a great cause for suffering. The longer you consider your cure to be outside of you, the longer that you'll feel this intense suffering. Believe me, I've been there for a long time. I've written countless poems and spent endless nights thinking of her. I've basically made her into God. That she could cure me, as you said. But it just doesn't work like that. You are your own savior.

I am sorry you are feeling so bad :hug:. Believe me, I know where you're at. Feel better :wub:

 

[BriGuy]

There will always be other people out there and other chances.
I myself don't believe in soul mates....the idea is ridiculous.

I DO believe in soulmates... in ONE for everyone... and he is mine. I have dated plenty, and settled every time... never FELT this way... and I KNOW that the feelings I have for him is IT... and I will never feel this way about any other guy! And I won't settle again either... so it's him or nobody! Him or ALONE! I know that in every bone in my body!

 

[BriGuy]

BriGuy,
I have been doing this my whole life. I'm going to give you some advice you might not want to hear, but just leave it if it doesn't do anything for you.

I have spent my entire life thinking that the cure was in a partner. My last girlfriend, whom I started dating two years ago and broke up with about a year and a month ago, I am not over her. I always thought, if we were together, everything will be alright. But the only one who can save you is you. I have spent my whole life, even now, looking for saviors. It is a great cause for suffering. The longer you consider your cure to be outside of you, the longer that you'll feel this intense suffering. Believe me, I've been there for a long time. I've written countless poems and spent endless nights thinking of her. I've basically made her into God. That she could cure me, as you said. But it just doesn't work like that. You are your own savior.

I am sorry you are feeling so bad :hug:. Believe me, I know where you're at. Feel better :wub:

It's not that I think he is my savior... or my cure for life... or that HE makes ME better or anything... it's that the connection we have BRINGS out the BEST in me... brings out my strength... makes me feel ALIVE... before I met him, I was going thru the motions, never actually happy... when I was WITH him, everything FELT ALIVE for the first time! There is some magical spark that jump-starts me... like a battery... he makes all the good in me BETTER! I know it's IN me... but he is the only one that makes it EXPLODE out of me! That is why I am so sad right now... I miss that SPARK of life that he gave me! I miss his arms holding me!!
When I say 'cure'... I mean, when I am with him, my physical pain isn't OVERWHELMING... so he is like a CURE for my physical pain!