No one caring about me, I'm not important....

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Lonely83, May 1, 2015.

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  1. Lonely83

    Lonely83 Active Member

    Thanks for reading my msg, it maybe long...

    I'm 32 female living alone, reclusive life, no friends...parents died, two older sisters both got married and one of them have a 1 yr old kid. They know my situation that I always stay at home, no friends, lonely, but still they wouldn't contact me often....not even whatsapp. I expressed my concern to them twice, crying...still nth changed...they insisted they cared....

    I understand they are busy with they own families and husbands, they need to spend time with them, maintain their own marriage and such. But if you know your parents or siblings are living in reclusive life, alone like me, wouldn't you pay more attention to them? let them feel less lonely?? I'm not asking too much....just whatsapp/msg me if not everyday but most days, just simple chat....let me know they are thinking of me, someone still caring about me. I wouldn't bother them too much, waste their precious time with their husbands and family....just whatsapp which waste few secs in their busy lives....and maybe meet with each other few hours per week....we live close with each other.

    Tbh, I do go to my middle sister's home to visit my nephew every Sunday night, around 3 hours, but we didn't get to talk much as she was sooo busy....not paying me attention, so I still feel lonely at her home. Then I left and she wouldn't contact me at all the whole week until I went to visit her son again....While I understand she needs to care of her son and I have no problem with that, I just don't see her care about me, like seize the chance in that 3 hrs meeting to chit chat with me, or whatsapp/msg me on usual days. I did take initiative to chat with her, but mostly end up short....

    When I need help, they would help but only if I ask, they wouldn't take initiative, and they just did it halfheartedly....for their own conscience. For example, when I was moving home....the oldest sister just being there but not monitor the workers which result in losing and breaking stuffs. And they only offer to do those simple works which wouldn't require their presents, like just on phone inquires, internet searching info; I packed/unpacked all by myself, furniture shopping and carrying it back home by myself, my arms and legs were covered in bruises. When my new home need pipe changing TWICE, it was a huge mess, very stressful, handled with different rude repairing guys alone, be tough negotiating with them; and I'm very private person, needless to say single woman home is not convenient for strange guys in/out of my home, passerby look into it, nosy....but I was able to handle it alone the first time, I don't want to bother them esp they just helped halfheartedly. However, two weeks later, I was informed they need to change the pipe the 2nd time, I broke down crying as it was so exhausting, my middle sis scolded me for being weak, she didn't understand my stress and worries, my crying made them helped me.....my oldest sis helped cleaning, but like I said just halfheartedly, just pick simple work, and not clean enough... I need to clean by myself again. I don't see their help was real...genuineness...sincere, just for their own conscience, shut me up if I ever accuse them about not caring about me again.

    There are more examples.....lying and making excuses when I asked them out...really hurtful. For outsiders may think I'm self-centered, they have their own lives, I should meet new ppl and get a life which I heard million times. But if you know your family are living reclusive life with no friends and stuck at home all day, that is a different story, should have paid more attention....care more....

    When I chatted with a volunteer at some helping center last nite, he didn't understand...he thought the help they offered are enough to show me they were caring...they could have not offering at all....just what they did was not what I expected. Very frustrating he didn't see their halfhearted help were just for their own conscience, seems like they don't see it as what it is, and outsiders too. Not everyone I chatted with are understanding, some would say they are busy with their own family, reasons enough not caring me; some would say they did help me when I need, already care enough, just diff. from my expectations;

    Their not understanding stress me out...like I was wrong...asking too much...then doubting myself. All I need is simple whatsapp from them in their busy lives....not letting me feel so lonely, isolated as they know my sitation clearly...I feel like I'm an non existent, not important person, if I die, wouldn't affect their daily busy lives, I'm doubting if they would cry or regret at all after I suicide successfully. They are the closest ones in my life and I love them, but I'm not their closest ones in their life...

    Thanks for reading and sorry for the ranting, just need someone understand me and tell me my feeling is right. I feel so lonely and no one to talk to, no one understand me, everyday awake in bed, first thing in my mind is dying....bring me relieves....want to do it soon.
     
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi, so sorry to hear that you are having a hard time. Relationships and families are sometimes hard to deal. People criticising you does not help. You are not self-centred as you just asking for help. The course of true love does not always happen in real life. There are a lot of lonely people in the world.

    The only people who understand you are the ones who suffer like you. I am glad you posted as we understand your thoughts and truly you are no longer alone. I would not worry about your sisters as they are busy in their own world.

    Please do not act on any feelings but keep posting here. It's does not matter how long it is. You are a strong person. PM me anytime if you want to talk. Take care and be safe.
     
  3. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Sorry to be nosy but why are you a recluse? Do you have a job? Any interests in hobbies?
     
  4. Lonely83

    Lonely83 Active Member

    I would force myself go out on weekends, which relax me a little, nth interested me anymore though.
     
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