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No-one else to talk to.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Jesse001, Jun 14, 2018.

  1. Jesse001

    Jesse001 Well-Known Member

    Hey SF. I know I haven't been a member for too long, but you guys have really helped me out.

    I just need to talk somebody, because of reasons, I have no-one else to turn to. It's been a fucked up month, so many things have happened, so many realizations and insights. But today, today is a bad day. I try to help others on this forum, and that does relieve some of the pain, but I am feeling so fucking lost, and so fucking lonely.

    I know I have lost my identity, I have lost my sense of self worth, and I am tired of feeling like this.

    I'm just tired. To top it off I now have the flu. Fuck everything. It's all becoming too much to cope with again. I know what I need to do, but I don't have the energy to do anything. All I want to do is sleep, but there is none.
    I have sort of accepted that I will spend the rest of my life alone.

    What really fucked me up yesterday was when I called my kids (I call everyday) to say goodnight, and I heard my almost ex and HIM laughing and giggling. What the actual fuck? I know I don't own her, or the kids, and they all deserve to be happy, but I don't need to hear that shit. On Monday night when I called the kids, they were all eating out. I simply cannot handle this anymore. I know who she is cheating with me on. It's my friend. He has a girlfriend as well. I fucking hate cheaters. I fucking hate them.

    I know its not a reflection on my character, but on hers, but it fucking hurts. I'm hurting.
    At least I get to pick the kids up from school tomorrow, and I will drop them off back at school on Monday, I know I have 2 people that do love me, and I love them, and I know they deserve to be happy. But to rub it in my face is unacceptable.

    I just need someone to talk to.
     
  2. Walker

    Walker Everything Zen Staff Member Safety & Support SF Social Media SF Supporter

    Hi there Jesse
    You know, man, I've got part of your story in bits and pieces and you know that this chick wasn't good for you. So while you're hurting so freaking bad right now -- I get it -- you also have to have a part of your that realizes this is going to be for the best one day. Your kids are always going to know who "dad" is, your ex is always going to know she was a dirtbag to you. Later - maybe in a long time - you're going to heal from this and see that you're better off without all this bullshit.
    You keep on hanging in there, man.
     
    Jesse001 and Woowoo like this.
  3. Paisley

    Paisley * * * SF Supporter

    Thank you for helping others despite the pain you're going through. It's good that you're also making your own personal threads, though, as it's important to ask for support when you're feeling down.

    Maybe try and dedicate some time specifically to taking a break and nothing more. Having a short rest could help give you the energy to do these things you know you need to do. I agree with you wholeheartedly that cheaters are awful. I'm happy for you that you get to drive your kids to and from school soon, and I'm sorry your ex and her boyfriend are being so callous towards you. Just try and remember that you're the one taking the high road in this situation.
     
    Jesse001, Woowoo and Petal like this.
  4. Woowoo

    Woowoo SF Pro SF Supporter

    I'm sorry she's treating you so badly Jesse, you deserve better. Cheating is so low. If someone's not happy in a relationship then they should try to work it out and, if they can't, then end it amicably. Cheating is just out of order and so hurtful.

    My long term partner ended our relationship a year ago. He'd moved his new girlfriend into our home within a couple of weeks. I was devastated and became very depressed. I started taking meds, went to therapy and kept a journal which was very therapeutic. Reading your words was like reading my journal. The words lost, alone and hate featured a lot. But a year later I'm in a much better place and I've realised that the split was for the best. In hindsight I realise that I wasn't actually happy with him and I'm starting to see a future for myself.

    Stick with it Jesse. It hurts like hell now I know, but it will get easier. And have an amazing weekend with your children. They're what's important in all this. Hugs.
     
    Jesse001 and Petal like this.
  5. Woowoo

    Woowoo SF Pro SF Supporter

    By the way @Jesse001 I'm really glad you're finding SF helpful. It's good to have you with us :)
     
    Jesse001 and Petal like this.
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Sorry you are feeling so low but know we will always be here for you no matter what and I am glad SF has already helped you some bit. That is good to hear.
    Please don't do anything silly or something you cannot reverse when feeling this low. We are all here fighting this battle with you.
     
    Jesse001 and Woowoo like this.
  7. Jesse001

    Jesse001 Well-Known Member

    Thanks Walker, I really appreciate it man.
    Yeah this day is just getting better all the time. Gotta love it.
    Thanks for replying, I know I'm not alone.
    Thanks bro.
     
  8. Jesse001

    Jesse001 Well-Known Member

    Paisley, thank you so much. Your reply made me cry like a little girl, I dont know why.
    I took a couple of days off work when it first happened, and my boss has been really accommodating, but I'm saving my annual leave for December when I get the kids for 3 weeks.
    thanks for reaching out, it really means the world right now.
     
  9. Jesse001

    Jesse001 Well-Known Member

    OMG I'm so sorry Woowoo. Yeah, this is a crazy time.
    I know she is no good for me. She abused me for 8 out of th 15 years. Physically as well. I probably just need to vent I guess. So I had not contacted her at all in 6 days, so today she decided to come and visit me (We work at the same company) to talk about what she needed to pack for the kids for the weekend. So unnecessary, as it all could have been done via text. She tried her little mind games, and her narcissistic behavior shone through., but I wouldnt let her get to me. I don't think she liked it at all. I just can't deal with her anymore. I need her out of my life. But I need contact with the kids. Thanks for writing, It really means the world to me right now.
     
    Woowoo likes this.
  10. Jesse001

    Jesse001 Well-Known Member

    Thank you! I honestly don't even remember how I found this place. Well you not gonna get rid of me that easy! :p
     
    Woowoo likes this.
  11. Jesse001

    Jesse001 Well-Known Member

    Hi Petal.
    I know. I'm trying my best to make me whole again. Fuck, I'm crying again. HAHA! omg. :(
    Thank you guys for being here, I wouldnt make it without you all!
     
    Woowoo likes this.
  12. Paisley

    Paisley * * * SF Supporter

    Sometimes crying can be for the best. I believe it's the body's way of attempting to deal with overwhelming emotions.

    What a great plan, to save your annual leave until you can share it with your children. I'm sure they'll love that just as much as you will. You seem like an excellent father.
     
    Woowoo and Jesse001 like this.
  13. Ashley Fettuccine

    Ashley Fettuccine Well-Known Member

    Hey Jesse, it's my first time being on SF and I am sorry to hear what's been going on with you. It can be hard being with someone that you love so much and knowing that they are cheating on you without even hiding it. Your kids are lucky to have a father like you who cares about them so much. I call my siblings every night to tell them I love them and they're practically like my sons and daughters as well. I know it can be hard to hang in there, but have you thought about therapy? I started therapy in January of this year and it has helped to talk to someone without a biased opinion on the matter.
     
    Jesse001 likes this.
  14. Jesse001

    Jesse001 Well-Known Member

    Hi Ashley, Thanks for taking the time to write. And also, welcome to SF.
    Yes, I am seeing someone to try help me through this.
    Fuck, it's gonna be another tough day!
     
  15. Ashley Fettuccine

    Ashley Fettuccine Well-Known Member

    I know, it can be very hard and I am currently feeling the same way you do in a different situation. You always have people on here to talk to, don't forget that :)
     
    Jesse001 likes this.