I just wanted to share some thoughts that came to me recently. Reading the comments and thoughts and worries of many of my friends and brothers and sisters and posters on this forum and in the p-ming, there is a lot of sadness and suffering. That is why we are here, we are hurting and many of us see no way out. Many of us are angry at others, many of us are angry at ourselves. Many of us feel that we are worthless and useless and that we should just put an end to it all. I can testify that all of these thoughts and emotions were going through my mind last night, and I contemplated the loneliness that I am feeling now and a relationship with a friend which I have no idea where it will go but it looks like to me it is probably over. I felt worthless and unwanted and that if I just put an end to my life it would only be a good thing. Then I remembered some things that God tells us in the Bible. He tells us that we are created in His image and likeness (Book of Genesis). I have often heard people say that they are ugly, that they are repulsive, that they are disgusting. I have felt these things about myself as well, and have had sometimes others tell me this. But here's some news- if we were created in the Creator's image and likeness, then in His eyes we are beautiful. Otherwise He would not have created us to look like Him. No matter how bad we may feel about how we look, it obviously cannot be that bad, otherwise He would not have chosen us to look like Him. Do not let anyone tell you that you are ugly, or repulsive or disgusting. God loves you and is proud of you. In fact, you resemble Him. I have also heard and felt worthless. Worthless. I have had people tell me that they are unworthy of love or compassion. I have heard people say that they are a mistake. That they are unwanted and unloved. Many people in our lives can act like pricks. Friends turn their backs. People who we trusted and loved and sometimes still love choose to abandon us or betray us. Families which are the closest to us and should be a source of love and care and trust do the exact opposite. Homes which should be filled with love and respect and joy are instead filled with yelling and hatred and physical and sexual and emotional scars. People who claim they know God, that they follow Him and that they act in His name instead show Satanic indifference, arrogance, cruelty, and rejection. Churches which are suppposed to share Christ's love with others and be a witness to His glory push people away instead of bringing them to Jesus. They make us feel worthless. They sometimes even go so far as to tell us that we are worthless. But we should not be discouraged. In their eyes we may be worthless. But in God's eyes, we are not. He loves us. He loves us so much that He created us in His image and likeness. He loves us so much that He came down to live among us as Jesus, to let us follow Him, to promise us that He will never abandon us if we put our trust in Him, to die for us on the cross, to give us everlasting life in Him when we die (basically the Gospel of John in a nutshell). The fact is, that no one here is a reject. No one is worthless. No one is a loser. God has not rejected us. We are obviously not worthless to Him, because if we were why would He shed His blood for us? We are not losers in His eyes, because He wants us to have everlasting victory in Him. He sees us our pain. He sees our suffering. He wants to stand beside us and suffer with us and comfort us in our pain. He wants us to live for Him, and to go through our sufferings and troubles and pain with Him at our side. He wants us to know His love, and to show it with others. And yes, we will die. He will take our lives when He knows it is time. And our reward for the steadfastness in the face of all of this will be a life with no end in Heaven, where we will never feel pain or sadness or suffering again. We are carrying crosses as we are traveling through life. Sometimes it feels like these crosses are too heavy to carry and that we cannot go on anymore. I think we need at times like these to put our faith in Christ and let Him walk this journey with us. Our crosses will still remain but we are now walking and carrying them with Him. And as He helps us carry our crosses we can do the same to others. And eventually we will stop carrying them when He takes us home to Heaven. This is a hard journey. But there is hope. It lies in Him who made us in His likeness and image. It lies in Him who died on the cross for us. It lies in Him who is waiting for us to come to Him with open arms. It lies in Him who will never turn His back on us. In Him who will never leave us. No one is worthless. No one is unworthy of hope or compassion or love. Regardless of how some may make us feel. Regardless of what some may say. Regardless even of what sometimes we may tell ourselves when we sink into the darkness of depression or despair. In God's eyes, we are worth more than anyone can ever even come close to begin to imagine. Cristo Vive! - Tomasz
I know I can often say harsh things about Christians and Christianity, but I am glad that you're on this site TG123. There are a lot of bad things associated with religion, it's nice when people show us what's good in them.
I wish I could feel God. I lost him and I can't seem to get him back. As a child I saw him in everything and now I see nothing. :sad:
Thank you TG, I just wish I could believe it with all my heart, instead of just a tiny little bit of my head...:sad: But still feel like a mistake, an outcast, an orphan, a piece of dirt, and not one of God's children made in His image - if that's the case then He's really ugly. least least least of all these
Hey Devastated, God definitely is there, and He sees your pain and your suffering, and He sees your efforts as you search for Him in your life. He is there and He has not given up on you and He never will, even if you can't see or feel Him, He is there. Sometimes I feel very far from God too. Have you tried praying to Him? Tell Him how you feel, let it come from the heart, you don't have to use any special prayers or big words, tell Him how you feel. My friend recommended looking at Scripture as well. He recommended praying to God to open your mind to His word before you read a passage from the Bible, and then as you read it, write down what you felt reading it or thought about it or questions you may have about it. I tried that, read first chapter of Matthew, about the birth of Christ- all I can say is WOW! I got so much from it, and I also felt much better after reading it. Maybe also try to get in touch with some Christians who are also searching and growing in Him. Share your struggles in your faith journey. Hear theirs. Pray together and for each other. Examine Scripture together. If you don't know any Christians near where you live, I'd recommend checking out this forum. There is a lot of variety here of opinions and people of all faiths and you do come across some from all beliefs including Christians who are judgemental and rude but for the most part I found it to be a great site and most people there really great to talk to. Haven't been there very often either, just once in a while. Check it out if you like, let me know. http://www.christianforums.com/ Read about how Jesus asks us to live our lives. He loves you and you know it even if now He seems distant. Show His love as well to other people you meet. And never give up. If you have put your faith in Him and have made the decision to follow Him in your life, even when He feels distant and far from you He is there for you and you are saved in Him. Let Him guide you. He never turns His back on His sheep. Cristo Vive! - Tomasz
Hey theleastofthese, No problem, it was good hearing from you and I thank you for sharing your response on this. Can I ask you what part are you having a difficult time believing? I think that if you already believe some (with your head), it's already great. I believe that Jesus loves each and everyone of us and died for us on the cross, and if we accept Him and choose to follow Him then we will be saved in Him and have everlasting life full of joy with Him in Heaven. That can be hard to sometimes accept, that someone would love us that much. But it is true. He loves you and wants you to believe in Him and follow Him- just the way you are. No matter how you may look physically (and believe me, I'm not a handsome guy) and no matter how bad you may feel about it, that still does not change the fact that God DID create you in His likeness and image. And do you know what else He said? Check this out: 1 Corinthians 1:27 King James Version (KJV) 27But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty; Even in our weaknesses, He can work through us. He can do miracles through us. He takes our weaknesses and uses them to show the 'proud' and the 'strong' His glory. Even if you feel ugly or weak, remember that you can be a vessel for Him to work through to reach others. Just because some may see you as ugly or weak does not mean that He sees you that way. With Him, YOU will be the one who will be strong- in your faith. He loves you, and He is there for you and He will never turn you away if you choose to come to Him. Cristo Vive! - Tomasz
Thanks for your kind words, Ziggy, I really appreciate them. I'm thinking about you and praying for you. Cristo Vive! - Tomasz
I've had a look at some Christian forums and what I have found a bit problematic is that people can go "I've had these various problems in the past" and some people say "The answer is to pray harder" Whereas if you go on a Buddhist forum, they do say Buddhism can help but they don't acknowledge it as a substitute for professional help / medication etc. There is the expression "God helps those who help themselves" and I wish people in Christian forums would recognise that he may actually want people to see doctors as well as to discover him through prayer and bible study.
I'd like to ask for your thoughts on something TG123, not because I'm trying to test you or catch you out, but because of all the Christians I've spoken to you seem to be the most understanding of them all. When I was first went to University I wasn't a Christian, and I met this guy who told me that God had said we'd be best friends, so I obviously thought he was a nutter and quickly left him. But I bumped into him again and we became best friends, and I even experienced God in a way that I didn't think was possible. But I think it was a form of madness, my mate was schizophrenic, his church thought he was so spiritual because he had visions from God, spoke in tongues etc. he said he was fighting demons, it was a battle he lost. He didn't need hugs, or prayers, or bible study he needed real help. At the time there was a girl I fancied but I couldn't really be in a relationship with her, I was just too fucked up at the time, she was a bit crazy too. Eventually we both met each other at the Christian group and the Christians were there hugging her telling her how much they loved her, but I took one look at her and I could see in her eyes just how much she was hurting, but nobody else saw it, they quoted their bibles, she smiled and everyone believed everything was fine. It wasn't fine. My friends are dead, I nearly died but wasn't so fortunate, the fuckers who didn't give a shit about them are probably living very happy content lives, happy in the thought that God loves them. What's it all about eh? Maybe my friend was right, maybe God had destined it so that we'd meet each other, but then why did God want me to suffer as much as I did? Oh you don't have to answer that... I'm just having a rant, sorry bout that.
I agree with you on this, Ziggy. There is nothing wrong or shameful in seeking medical help and although to be honest I have never used it or feel I need it, people should definitely if it will help them. There is nothing in the Bible against using antidepressants or medicine to help us. I do believe as you know that only God can really pull us through, but there is no contradiction between relying on Him and using medical sources to help you out. I think it would be harmful to encourage people not to seek this kind of help. I do not know any people who say things like that but it probably does happen and shouldn't. I do believe that prayer is very important and that faith in Christ liberates us in the long run and will pull us through, but God doesn't say anywhere that if we pray all of our problems will disappear. Prayer is conversation with God. We unload our concerns and problems and praise and apologies to Him, He listens and He speaks to us- sometimes in different ways and sometimes it may take a while to hear. He has in mind what is best for us and He will not abandon those who turn to Him... but this does not mean that He will immediately end our suffering. In our suffering and pain sometimes we grow in faith, I know that at times in my life I have. Sometimes during our hardest times we reach out to others and let Him work through us, that has sometimes been true of me as well. I believe that even when we suffer, this too has a purpose. No, it is never pleasant but if we put our faith in Him, He will pull us through. In my faith journey before I became a Christian I was bullied a lot in jr high school and my home life was pretty difficult and I wanted to end it all. It was a horrible time, but it actually helped form me and in the future partly because of it I came to God. I later thanked Him for every insult, beating, and humiliation I suffered because in the end it brought me to believe in Him. If you are interested I can email you my faith testimony. If not, that's cool too. Anyways, just some thoughts. Glad to hear yours. Cristo Vive! - Tomasz
Hey Ziggy, Thanks so much for sharing this with me, and I don't know if I can give a 'good answer' but will just share what I think. Please don't apologize for this or anything else you write to me. I appreciate you sharing something so personal in your life with me. I am so sorry to hear about your friends. They sound like great people who did care about you and about others. I don't know them very well, I think it is possible your friend could have been schizophrenic. He may also have had visions. I have never had visions, but I know a person who has who does not have mental disabilities. I know of others who do. Can I ask you some questions to help me better understand the situation? I am sorry if they are personal and bring back painful memories but they would help me better comprehend what happened. At the Christian meetings you went to with that girl you described, you said people hugged her and told her they loved her- did she like that? Did she want to share her feelings and they didn't allow her? You said you saw the pain in her eyes- what was she going through? Did she talk to you about it? Did she try telling others about it? Did they push her away and said they didn't want to listen or did she not say anything and they genuinely thought there was nothing wrong? You said your friends died, and I am extremely sorry to hear that. I can only imagine how devastating that must have been for you. Can I ask, did they commit suicide? Who are 'the fuckers who didn't give a shit about them'? Once again, thank you for sharing this with me and sorry about all the questions. Thank you as well for your encouragement and kind words, I do not know if I deserve them. Cristo Vive! - Tomasz
I think your life and what you went through is very important, I also understand if you can't continue with this thread. I am sorry if my questions or what I have said have caused you greater pain, I only asked so I could know more but I am sorry because it evidently brought back a lot of memories and suffering for you. I am really sorry about that. Thinking and praying for you and if you want to talk I'm there. Cristo Vive! - Tomasz
