No one knows, no one cares, no one notices... (And you know it's true)

[Lost Disciple]

I virtually disappear from every sit I've ever been on without any warning, and no one cares. No one notices. I'm feeling the worst I have ever felt in my life, and no one cares. No one notices. I'm struggling with ending my addiction to self-harm, and no one notices, and no one should notice, because no one knows. I lie through my teeth about every little thing--no one truly notices me. No one knows, no one cares, no one notices.

I have to wonder, does it really even matter? Is it even worth the fight? What's one person worth? What am I worth? And I'm thinking as I sit here, and I conclude nothing. I'm worth... nothing. It *doesn't* matter. And each night suicide becomes more and more of an option, a consideration, and it scares me. But that's okay, because no one knows, no one cares, no one notices. I *don't* matter, and in a way, the realization sets me free.

And it also weighs me down. It disappoints me. It upsets me. It scares me. It makes me want to cry.

And I'm posting this now, I'm taking the time to write it and post it, so that I won't have the time or energy to cut. Because otherwise I know I will, and I will break my month-long no-harm streak.

But that's okay, because no one knows, no one cares, no one notices.
And you know it's true.

 

[Lost Disciple]

I don't know why I post and expect answers.
it's a losing battle.

And eventually someone will feel sorry enough for me that there aren't any replies and give me one.

But it will be too late to help me at all.


Maybe I'll go into chat and post a link here.

But I don't know if i want to doo tahtt mcuh work.....

 

[inevitable]

i'm not a big poster around here and but you can find me in chat sometimes to talk

and expecting a reply within 7 minutes is hard on massive forums unless it is a spam section

 

[Lost Disciple]

I know.

But 7 minutes is all I have to spare.

That's why I said I don't know why I bother.

because it's stupid if I do.





And I don't do chat.
Sorry.

No I'm not.






<sigh>

 

[LetItGo]

Its terrible when you think your posts go unnoticed, unfortunately this is also probably one of the slowest times of day...I hope you can find some friends on here to share your experiences with, there are a lot of people with self harm problems, so im sure many are going through a similiar experience. Try and take it just one small step at a time, just a small step, can make such a big differance.

Take care :hug:

 

[letdown]

I don't know why I post and expect answers.
it's a losing battle.

I empathise with you. And I'm a lot like you, I disappear from forums like this without notice and I don't think anybody notices really (and I've given up caring so it doesn't hurt anymore, I tend to dissociate a lot on forums now). I suppose this is where the dynamics of the board, your "standing" on the board and the whole reminder of being ignored in various instances in your real life resurfaces and can be very painful. :hug:

The internet can be a very lonely place to be especially when you're struggling with self harm and depression. You feel that no one cares, and you don't matter if you don't fit in with a certain group. And maybe there's some truth in that when it comes to some message boards on the internet BUT what I've learnt is that sometimes you may be looking in the wrong places for care. I honestly don't think message boards like this is a safe place to invest all your hope in people developing a deep care for you.

Just because in this context you feel like this doesn't mean you'll have the same feelings or the same reactions in different social settings. There are people who will want to get to know you and notice your absence. Sticking around in a place where you feel it is unhelpful to you can be a type of emotional self harm.

I was wondering if you are in therapy or perhaps group therapy? I am going to try this out soon and hopefully lessen my reliance on the internet. I'd be happy in talking to you any time too as I do empathise- my PM box is open.:smile:

Please keep yourself as safe as possible.:hug:

 

[Unregisteredcw]

I just wanted to make a short reply and tell you that we do notice you and care.



xx

 

[gentlelady]

I do notice when I haven't seen you around for awhile and I do care Lost Disciple. I am sorry I did not answer this earlier, but I was not online. People come and go from forums all the time. Some say they are leaving and wish you the best, others choose to simply stop coming. You can never tell what category a person is in. I am glad you chose to write instead of cut. I sometimes use that a distraction myself. When it works I feel better that I was able to stay SH free. I hope it helped you to feel the same. Please feel free to PM me should you need to talk. I check in at least a few times every day. You do matter. We do noctice. We do care. Please stay safe. :hug: