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No one seems to want to help...

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I've suffered from depression, on and off, for a few years. But since Christmas it has been constant. I lost my job because of it: my boss kept calling and texting but I didn't care enough to reply, so they fired me. I tried to cut my wrists in January, two days after first seeing the doctor when I was put on 15mg of Mirtrazapine. He referred me to the local mental health team, who called and said "Oh well, it's out of your system, you'll be fine for a while, we'll look into your case." Weeks went by, with no contact, so I went back to my doctor, who told me he didn't want to treat me anymore (I had started seeing him instead of my childhood doctor because he was better about mental illness, or so I thought) and admonished me for not being at work, wouldn't listen to me when I said the meds weren't right for me.

I've was referred to the psychiatrist at the hospital at the end of January. It is now March 22nd, and I still haven't had an appointment. I called at the start of this month and they told me that my appointment would be on the 29th, but if I didn't receive a letter by the middle of March, then my appointment would be pushed back (something about the psych having to go to court). So there's been no letter, no appointment. I haven't called to find when it has been rescheduled for, because I'm afraid of the answer.

I have been thinking of suicide constantly. Out of the last ten days, I've had maybe three where I haven't cried or cut or both. I know everyone says that you will hurt the ones you love, but I'm incapable of feeling love right now, so I'm not worried about the hurt I would cause. And what's the point in living in pain just to spare someone's feelings? I have no one in real life to talk to. My parents know I am dealing with depression and have been supportive to a point, but we don't have the right kind of relationship when it comes to talking about how we feel. I kept telling myself that if I could just hold on until the psych appointment, that it wouldn't be long...but it's been three months. And with the NHS, god knows what will happen. Professionals never seem to take me seriously. Meds aren't working for me.

I'm going to be alone in the house all day tomorrow. I'm scared that tomorrow I might finally be brave enough to go through with it? I'm not idealising an afterlife of paradise, I just want this to be over.


SF Friend
Staff Alumni
I understand your feelings of helplessness and despair and being unwanted/unloved. I've been there too. It may seem hard to believe but there IS light at the end of the tunnel. It's just hard to see it thru those blacked-out depression glasses you're wearing now. Please don't hurt yourself. I can offer no solutions but will beg you to hold on. Call the shrinks office back and DEMAND POLITELY BUT FIRMLY an appt. I believe that things can get better, even when it seems otherwise. Please hang on and come here for support and love and friendship.

I have hope for you. Please have some for yourself.:smile: :hug:



Well-Known Member
Hmmm well sometimes we look to the wrong places for help. I remember I took a psych class right before depression hit me. I thought about seeing someone. But after taking that class I realized I am nothing more than practice.

So I found other methods for outputting my depression. I put my thoughts into a journal/blog. I just wrote and wrote, second I started posting in forums. Just a random rant here and there. But I got feedback and started making new online friends. Then I spoke with them, they gave me insights and views that I could not get from a doctor or my imagination.

Granted that having a precensce online does not give you therapy. But I have found that just talking with another human, who is not trained to "fix" mental problems is much better. To be honest I am glad I did not chance a therapist. Because if I did I might not have met all the wonderful people who I know online.

CM 1000

If you continues to think of the suicide you this meditation that could can be to help you I could make believe that it is because you have an archetypal idea of you kill. This idea is unconscious sometimes during several years and then it goes up with the conscience following certain emotions. You know that such an idea is very powerful and thus comes from your ancestors it really does not belong to you. I believe that the best way of getting rid some is to make a meditation the eyes close ` ' you must think than this idea come you from your ancestors and than you this idea gives to them and than they will be able what to make avec' '. For more information on the archetypal idea to see French site an idea of archetypal nature, according to Dr. Daniel Bordeleau http://www.forum.umontreal.ca/numeros/1997-1998/Forum97-11-17/article05.html you can use to translate. http://babelfish.altavista.com/
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