My life has been full of nothing but abuse and pain. I just want to leave this world and all this pain that i know will never go away. I am just so tired of fighting the never ending thoughts that race through my mind day in and day out. It is not so much that i want to die but i know i can not live like this much longer, it has gone on far to long. I attempted to end my life four months ago just to be locked up and given no help. I have no one to help me, no friends or family, just a spouse who would rather see me dead. I feel nothing but sadness and heartache 24/7 , i am numb down to my soul. I have rationalized that my kids will be better off without me to the extent i have figured out were i will send one of them so they can have a happy normal life. I will just ruin any chance of them having a normal happy life. I have tried so hard to get myself out of this situation through every avenue i could find , truly there is not as much help out there as others lead you to believe. Today was a very bad day. I just pray tomorrow will be a little better.