No one to turn to.

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by pisces1, Dec 17, 2013.

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  1. pisces1

    pisces1 Well-Known Member

    My life has been full of nothing but abuse and pain. I just want to leave this world and all this pain that i know will never go away. I am just so tired of fighting the never ending thoughts that race through my mind day in and day out. It is not so much that i want to die but i know i can not live like this much longer, it has gone on far to long. I attempted to end my life four months ago just to be locked up and given no help. I have no one to help me, no friends or family, just a spouse who would rather see me dead. I feel nothing but sadness and heartache 24/7 , i am numb down to my soul. I have rationalized that my kids will be better off without me to the extent i have figured out were i will send one of them so they can have a happy normal life. I will just ruin any chance of them having a normal happy life. I have tried so hard to get myself out of this situation through every avenue i could find , truly there is not as much help out there as others lead you to believe. Today was a very bad day. I just pray tomorrow will be a little better.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Your children will not be better off in fact they will worse off knowing you left them If you call any crisis line they will get you the supports you need ok they will even phone an ambulance for you to go to hospital to talk to someone. I am sorry your husband is not understanding of you. You need care now and compassion You phone your doctor tomorrow and get on some medication to helpyou or get a referral for therapy there is help out there you do NOT have to fight this alone ok. You talk to church person your doctor a crisis line someone that will get you help you need hugs I hope tomorrow you call your doctor and start process of getting help if doc does nothing you call crisis line hugs
     
  3. pisces1

    pisces1 Well-Known Member

    Been there, done all you mentioned just to be humiliated and made to feel like less of a human being. This has been going on for three years. I m tired of reaching out for help to really find none. Less than understanding husband is one reason i want this over with, he has caused me much pain.
     
  4. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    hello and welcome to the site xx
     
  5. pisces1

    pisces1 Well-Known Member

    Thank you.
     
  6. pisces1

    pisces1 Well-Known Member

    Total eclipse .. Thank you for responding. Unfortunately I was in a very bad place emotionally when I posted my thoughts. It saddens me that I have let my husband hurt me and push me to the point I would rather leave my children without a mom. I know they need me and are the reason I am still here. I will find a way out one day. I am glad to have found a place such as this website were I feel comfortable purging my thoughts when I am in a bad place emotionally. Today I am feeling better and stronger. Thank you again for your response. It really helped me refocus my thoughts.
     
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hugs to you hun i am glad you feel comfortable here
     
  8. iwanttohelp

    iwanttohelp Well-Known Member

    First, I am so sorry you have suffered. It is wrong and you deserve only love and kindness. People who abuse others are acting out of their own suffering and inability to cope with their own pain, they are not sources of support for you. You had the seed of hope in you when you posted to this forum. I'm sorry if this sounds corny, but a just like a real seed, that hope can grow a tiny bit each day if you water it with the smallest amount of compassion, love and forgiveness... starting with yourself. It won't happen overnight, maybe not even this year, but if you have patience and put a very small effort each day toward learning new ways to cope, think, act, change and grow beyond your current situation, you can definitely transform how you feel over time. Don't fight your thoughts and pain... break down and express them in healthy ways... cry, write, talk to a trusted professional, cry more.... let it out. That is what tears are for. Life can be sad, regretful, painful and even humiliating. That is a part of the process of learning as a human being. It may be hard to understand, and it is a truth that hurts, but pain is a teacher. You are not defined forever by your previous actions. You are not defined by your emotions. You are defined by having your very own precious and rare human life ... and those of your children to care for and love. No person, situation or thing can take away your ability to love, forgive and grow. Every day has a new capacity for fresh thoughts and choices... and I see that yearning in you, and that is a very good thing. Never give up and only seek help from loving people that can be trusted. May you always be safe and well.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 21, 2013
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