No-one understands I really did find and lose the one...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by DanFraser, Feb 19, 2008.

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  1. DanFraser

    DanFraser New Member

    I'll give you some background to what my life was like. In school, I was horrendously physically bullied. I fortunately only bear one scar that is not that noticable from that period. After school (16) I drifted from one low paid poor job to another. I had a few relationships but either they just plain didn't work (peacefully might I add) or it was never a relationship in the first place.

    So there I was, 25, stuck in a rubbish job in a petrol station, earning minimum wage, severely depressed, really didn't see my life going anywhere. Then Sarah started working there when she started uni that year. We clicked instantly without even realising it, and before we knew it we were in the most real relationship I have ever even heard of. I loved her so much I would have done, and did do anything. She also did anything for me. It was truly the first time in my life I had actually been happy, no thoughts of suicide, not even feeling down at any point. I knew she was the one, the only person to make me feel this way.

    We moved in together, made plans for years to come, we got engaged. I had even started uni to give her a future (and myself at the very back of my mind).

    I got meningitis last january, and since then I had struggled to do much, tiredness being a major drawback. I still did everything I could for Sarah, telling her I loved her.

    Then on the 28th of december I went insane, and said I couldn't be with her any more. I don't know why I flipped but I told her to move out. I still don't know why I flipped. Since then I've tried to make contact, say I want to talk. But all she's said is fuck off, I wasted two years of my life without my friends because of you, you wasted my money, my life, my everything. She's called me a psychopath. She has even said that I should kill myself, remove myself from the gene pool. Her friends have laughed over the phone, she called up in the middle of a threesome.

    Yet I still love her, I would still take her back. I don't want to be without her. I can't even go to uni because all I can think of is Sarah.

    I'm not sure how to finish this post.
  2. DanFraser

    DanFraser New Member

    That call was a few days ago. I was already struggling with try to hold back the thoughts of suicide. That tipped me over the edge and I went and held up the A38 for 5 hours standing on a bridge. The hospital let me straight out after.

    Right now I have seemed to clog up. I can't feel anything, I feel like a robot. But I'm scared of what will happen if i feel again.

    I can still feel the wont of Sarah, to be with her, to hold her, never to let her go again. To forgive her for what she has said, because I know I have hurt her, and I am truly sorry for that.

    I would still do anything for Sarah.
  3. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry to hear that Dan, that sounds like a terrible ordeal to go through. I'd like to give you a magical piece of advice that you could use to win her back but I think the reality is that you have learned a rather expensive life lesson. It isn't your fault or her fault, you both played a part in what happened and while you may have told her to get out, chances are you both would have gone your separate ways later down the road anyway. You can try telling her that you are sorry, you know that what you did was wrong and you're sorry that you hurt her, if you haven't done so already. Just don't do it expecting her to come running back to you because she probably won't. If she understands that you are sorry and you just want her to know that before you move on with your life, she will respect you more for it even if she holds firm in her decision.

    All you can do is tell her the truth, what she does with it is up to her. All the best, I hope things work out for you.
  4. Fishman

    Fishman Guest

    If she's having threesomes with other people, I don't think shes coming back. It sounds like she moved on too far. I know its harsh but that reality.
  5. almosteasy

    almosteasy Well-Known Member

    First of all, I understand the pain you are going through. To have the thoughts of a single person haunt you every waking moment is something I've dealt with and still do. I've also dealt with the not having any fulfilling relationships. Neither is fun. There were a few things in your story that stuck out for me.

    1. You DID meet someone and you said that while you were with her you were happy and did not feel suicidal. So this means that a fulfilling relationship has the potential to make you feel better. So a fulfilling relationship with another besides Sarah can make you happy. I know right now she feels like the only one who can make you happy but TRUST ME, that’s just your emotions toying with your mind.

    Emotions are not logical and another woman may make you happy. In a time like this you must not let emotions fool you into believing otherwise or coercing you into doing something that may be rash (suicide). At the very least give your self some time to get over her and then see if you find other women interesting.

    2. You may have noticed I have said get over her. This is because of what she said to you when you called her. Now you didn’t mention this but I'm sure if you were living together you've previously talked to her about the depression and problems you've been having.

    If she told you to "I should kill myself, remove myself from the gene pool" fully knowing what you were going through, what kind of person does that make her? And this is while she is having a threesome??? Not a very good one. She sounds like a selfish women looking to find pleasure in life without concern for others. This is not someone to build a future with.

    Now these facts probably wont convince you to stop caring for a because....well emotions are illogical but please keep them in mind. If you decide to pursue her that’s your choice and there’s nothing wrong with that. But after sometime you may realize that you are better then her and you can find someone better. Actually, you deserve better and I'm sure you will find her.
  6. spunkmaster

    spunkmaster Member

    during a threesome? forget her man
  7. Ahrimar

    Ahrimar Well-Known Member

    Thats when you really know that the girls done for. I wouldn't take her back personally. Thats just crossing lines i dont even wanna go past.

    Believe in yourself, have confidence. Your day will come and then you can feel like youre the one sitting on top of the world and laughing.
  8. NuPrime33

    NuPrime33 Member

    forget her man. right when i read that, i went up another level with my conditions. haha, not to make u feel bad. i actually enjoy it though. but, i remember something like that, which is what you reminded me of, what i kept in the back of my head from my x. Don't you ever accept her again. She is pathetic and worthless. Really man.. I could go on for hours ranting about how your story pertains to mine and how I found it (lost it, mentally) and never spoke to her again. 3 years, never will I want to be with her again. You shouldn't either..
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