no one understands me

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by twinkletoes, Apr 21, 2008.

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  1. twinkletoes

    twinkletoes Active Member

    this is how i feel on a daily basis 24/7, nobody understands me, not even my girlfriend.
    i hate my life, its full of downs and never any ups, i try to look them up but they ain't there.

    my parents never notice me, when i ask for help they couldn't care less, its like i am in a small box locked inside and no one can hear me, im falling down this spiral full of problems and im trying to grab something to prevent myself from falling deeper and sometimes a helping hand shows up and when i try to grasp for it i miss and fall deeper and deeper.

    i figured on the advice from friends to start posting on forums again with people who might understand me, so thats why im doing that right now.

    when i was a small boy my dad was never home, he was either cheating on my mother or being drunk, and if he didnt do that he would beat my mother up and me too ( i was 4 when this started) this continued for years, all this shit caused me to mistrust males (yes im a male too) this causes problems in my relationship because i get really jealous when my girlfriend goes hang with some of her male friends and also very mistrusted, not towards her but towards the guys, also do i have problems to directly express my emotions because i simply do not know how too, lately i just feel like killing myself because whats the point anymore no one notices me or cares about me,

    i feel as if i am not good enough for my girlfriend, she deserves better then me, someone who's happy and not depressed like i am, but the funny thing is that she expects me to understand her illness (she suffers from ED aka Eating Disorder) but she doesnt want to understand what i have.....

    Seriously whats the point in living, this might be my first and final letter because i really think i will just slit my wrists today.

    For my girlfriends life which will be so much better without me.

    i love you.....

    goodbye
     
  2. SweetVitriol

    SweetVitriol Antiquitie's Friend

    When I read your post I feel so much empathy for you hon..So put down the blade and please listen...

    I read your reply to another posters message and the words of support you gave to him were bang on the money..You are not alone in this and by posting on here you have taken the first step out of isolation and into a place where you will not be judged or ignored..

    Most of the members here are feeling similar feelings to you (Although I know that no two are identical) so why don't you give the forum a chance..

    I hope you choose to and also hope that we will hear from you again..
     
  3. twinkletoes

    twinkletoes Active Member

    i was just talking on msn trying to explain again how i felt, and she doesnt even try she doesnt even care though she does expects me to understand why she is gonna start a dieet again to get even more thinner, sure i dont understand ED completely, but it feels like im losing the one i fell in love with, this also affects my depression so much,

    yesterday we were going through my album full with pics that my grandmother (wife of my mothers father) made for me, she started it when i was born till my 10th (she did this for all her grandchildren) so all of a sudden my girlfriend says, i couldn't help to notice you don't have a single picture of your dad. it wasnt old news for her that i had a rough life, but i guess she expected to see at least one picture but there wasnt, and it just brings up bad memories when she made that comment.

    also last month we called my fathers mother it was her birthday, the phone rang and someone picked up it was my fathers sister, she told us that our grandmother died 3 years ago, like WTF why did no one ever send a card or gave us a Call so we could come to the funeral and such, this was probably a revenge action from my father because when his father died we went to the funeral and he wasnt their because i think he didnt wanted to see us, just like he said when i was 10, he has other priorities....

    i just dont understand life and its always against me everyone hates me...
     
  4. SweetVitriol

    SweetVitriol Antiquitie's Friend

    There is so much I want to say and share with you but I don't think I could say it in such an open forum (I have done questionable things in my past and having an long term ED is just one of them..)

    If you want to talk, drop me a line and I will give you my MSN addy..or just PM me here..

    Don't think that you are alone..
     
  5. twinkletoes

    twinkletoes Active Member

    im crying my fucking eyes out omfg im such a pathetic person, im 20 years old for fucks sake,

    i have done questionable things myself, started selling drugs at the age of 11, been a junky too, i have tried to slit my wrists several times cut my arms open a dozen times, but the funny thing is ALL that shooting heroine in your veins, sniffing cocaine smoking it etc etc slitting ur wrists and cutting urself open doesnt even hurt as much, as when your girlfriend says to you: i hate you, because i dont understand ED and i never will cuz i dont have it myself so i can only understand from hearsay....

    but shes right to hate me, cuz im nothing i have no impact in anyones life.

    worthless
     
  6. twinkletoes

    twinkletoes Active Member

    i tried talking to my best friend today about how i've been feeling lately, but every time i wanted to say anything, he just interrupted me to tell me how great his girlfriend is and how happy they are, after dealing with this for an hour i just ran to the bathroom at College, locked myself inside and i started to cut myself i was just so sick of it all i couldn't take it anymore,
     
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