No one understands me.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Emerald Hyperion, Aug 10, 2006.

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  1. Emerald Hyperion

    Emerald Hyperion Not So Well-Known Member

    Seems like no matter how hard I try, I can't win. I feel so stupid. I want to go extremely far away from everyone I know just so I can off myself and no one would know.

    I'm so sick of people telling me what to do and how I should act. If I try to be my natural self, it's not good enough. People tell me I'm too soft and quiet, especially my father. Then when I'm around other people and I try to be talkative, funny, and charismatic, people tell me I'm either stupid or I act like a kid or something. Then you got the other idiots who don't even know me off the street having something smart to say to me.

    People tell me I don't listen. That I don't know anything. That I'm naive and unaware. Dummies. I fucking know things. I'm aware of things. I have tons of things going through my mind that would take those average judgemental morons a million years to even understand. If I ever make the mistake of telling anyone about my suicidal feelings, either no one pays any attention, they laugh and think it's a joke, or they just think I'm stupid or something.

    You ever feel like you have no real authority but everyone else does? Like... when I try to tell my dad about how I feel - I just tried to tell him today that "people are always telling me how to act - no matter how I act, someone is not going to like it" and he all he said was "you don't listen"... I just wanted to yell SO bad "No, YOU LISTEN TO ME MOTHER*****".....

    I know I'm weak... I'm not a man, I'm a scared child who just thinks about death all of the time, because it seems so much better (and getting better all of the time, everyday). I thought I could beat my feelings... I tried my best to be happy, but I realize it may be impossible - I'm thinking my paranoia (I have asperger's syndrome like some others on this forum) may be "luring" people I hate to me... like it's making situations much more bad than they actually seem. I don't know - I just feel alone without a voice. When people tell me to speak up and be strong, I try to do so - and whenever I do, it's apparently at the wrong time or the wrong place or I just get myself into a whole mess I didn't even fucking want in the first place.

    I keep hoping *every* day that I'll die in some kind of accident or something. It's always the people who didn't do anything that get killed... why can't I be one of those people?

    I wish people would get it. I can't change. If I did, someone will hate me. If I stay as myself, someone is going to hate me. Why am I here, really? Why does it seem like anyone else can just be themselves and not get judged for it? What the hell is it about ME specifically that garners so much anger and hatred from others?

    Later...
     
  2. Luliby

    Luliby Staff Alumni

    Emerald Hyperion, :hug:

    I thought you could use a big hug right about now. Thats awful that others treat you like that. It's very difficult to feel like you don't fit in anywhere. I've tried and tried to pull mysself up and out of my mental state too and found it just doesn't work. Your not weak. People need suuport! law of the universe or something, I don't know, but people NEED support, like air. Poeple NEED to feel loved and accepted. It's not weakness, perhaps a brokeness from not getting what you need! If a car doesn't get oil its not weak if it runs down and the block cracks! LOL.

    Your strong. You have been struggling and trying to work at this but it sounds to me like everytime you get one leg in the boat someone gives you a push back into the water. And, we have to be careful if we believe they are doing it on purpose or just out of ignorance because of the asperger's syndrome. It would really be helpful to discuss these situations with a therapist so you can get a second opinion. Then you wouldn't have to wonder if it's just in yor head or are the people around you really messing with you.

    Lets just assume they are ignorant and do not realize how they keep messing with your mind and defeating you. You may want to limit the amount of time you spend with these people who are tearing you down. Maybe one hour is doable or not. Maybe plan how much time you can tolerate these people and try to stick to those boundaries? Thats the only way I know how to handle people in my life that "mean well" but are not helping me at all!

    And, this may be a good time to seek new friends and company. Sometimes just joining a group that meets once a week. Bowling, a card group, trivia night at the bar, pool club.. whatever your interests are and make new connections.

    I understand though. Its like finally getting up on your feet and someone keeps kicking your legs out from underneath you. Very frustrating and I am sorry you have to deal with that.

    :hug:
     
  3. allofme

    allofme Staff Alumni

    hey there


    you cant please everyone so we got to please ourselves


    i know you have added challenges to fitting in... but just try to be you and the ppl who gravitate to you will be those who both like and understand you...


    hugs and hope .... pm me any time...thats a real invitation so feel free to take me up on it....
     
  4. Xaelem

    Xaelem Member

    Don't drop your standards to please others.
    Don't do anything you wouldn't normally do to please anyone.
    Don't let the behaviour of others change your behaviour if you're sure you're doing the right thing.
    If something is really bothering someone else then talk to them about it but make sure you understand their problem before you change.
    Always make sure the message came accross clear.
    Most importantly: don't let other people piss you off so much.
    Don't give anyone so much power as to make you angry or sad.
    Everybody get what they deserve in the end and that's all that matters.
    Someone treat you like shit: fuck 'em they'll get what they deserve.
    Don't lower yourself to their level.
    You parents don't understand you? Why should they?
    They don't take the time to try and get into your head and just looking for wrong in you then let them but don't let them rule you emotions.
     
  5. Grav

    Grav New Member

    I think I know exactly how you feel.. I've been in the same boat, I try to
    explain how I feel to someone, and they just tell me its some sort of problem
    with me. I hate it.

    I find that people don't seem to understand that when I try to explain what I'm going through, they should try to empathize rather than complain.. and just lend an ear.. thats all I need..

    If you ever need someone to chat with.. just send me a PM. I'm more than happy to chat.
     
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