I had everything. A wife. A nice house. A dog. Not just any dog the manliest small dog you can own. A pug. A job. And not just any job. The best job in the world. I was a cop. Only thing I've ever wanted to do. Ever watch cops? They have a little segment in the beginning were they talk about there lives. Just about every one of them talks about how its the best job in the world. And it is. Hell I was even on COPS. How cool was that. A little over a year ago. Achieved everything. Even was going to start a family. Then it all fell apart. Wife couldnt handle my job. (long hours, fear of my safety, shift work, change in my attitude etc....) found out she didnt want a family, seperated, divorced, couldnt deal with it started to self medicate. Drugs, alcohol all the things that will cost you your job when your a cop. And it did. An off duty incident one night. Embarrassment, career killing, front page of the paper incident. Now I dont know what to do. I dont know how to move on. Most cops in this situation eat their gun. Thats what people dont get. You cant go back from doing my job to do something else. Just doesnt work. I wish I could get over it. I wish I could move on. I just cant do it. I have a long life of misery, regret, thinking about what could have been. Tried killing myself twice already. <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods> And it will happen soon. Friends and family say its selfish. But isnt it selfish for them to expect me to live like this. In this pain? And please dont tell me it will get better. Because how can it?